BassFairy

Say What Ma?

2005-09-10T19:28:00.000-04:00

We got a phone call from our mom a few minutes ago. She needed movie advice.

Let me say, before we go any further, my mom is one of the few remaining Truly Innocents. She believes to this day that all her girls were virgins when we married. She has never uttered the "C" word, and I doubt she knows it exists. She blushes and peeks through her fingers on the passion-in-the-surf part of "From Here To Eternity". She thinks Britney Spears needs a good spanking. I love my mom.

When she called me today, she sounded confused. That's pretty par for the course when Mom goes to Blockbuster. Since her hearing went south, she's got two tiny little hearing aids that don't like Dolby or THX, so she doesn't go out to the theaters. She waits for films to come out on DVD and then catches up that way.

My mom is a busy lady. She's a professional seamstress, she hobbies with hummingbird watching and cat spoiling, and she is a pro at swap meet scavenging. So she gets a little behind in her movie choices.
That's why she rented "Boogie Nights."

"Hon?" she began. "I was watching this movie? "Boogie Nights", have you heard of it?"
"Good lord, Mom!" I said. "What did you rent THAT for?"
"Hon, all I want to know is, when is the dancing part?"
"What? What dancing part? How much have you watched? There isn't any dancing part!"
"Oh. I thought it was the next part of 'Saturday Night Fever'. I just love John Travolta. "
"Nope, it's got nothing to do with John Travolta, Mom."
"Hmmm. Okay. Oh, hon?"
"Yes, Mom?"
"You know that part at the end? Was that.... was it.... was that THING real?"
"No, Mom, sorry."
"Hmmm. I guess it was just one of them stunt weenies, huh?"

Stunt weenie. Oh yeah, I love my mom.

Sushi Night! Alright!

2005-09-09T16:06:00.000-04:00

Some families have burrito nights. Some have pizza nights. This clan has roll-your-own sushi nights: the guarranteed success with minimal effort and ingredients. Rice looses its innate boring-ness when wrapped in crisp seaweed and your head is cleared from the wasabi-induced meditative breathing, sweeping your sinuses and making your nose tingle. Sushi night. It can't be beat.

We are going to lay out all of the ingredients and cut the nori sheets in half, letting everyone choose their own and then eat them more like hand-rolls (sushi burritos). Tonight's features are:

Avocado
Tofu
Fresh Basil
Steamed Broccoli
Peanut Sauce
Green Onions
Sesame Seeds
Sesame Oil
Umeboshi Plum Paste

Served with soy sauce, ginger and, of course, wasabi. We are going to use short-grain brown rice (cooked 2:1 water:rice) instead of the more traditional white sushi rice, with good results. The possibilities for vegan fillings are infinitum. I mine mouth all set for avocado, green onion and fresh basil; but the unusual steamed broccoli and peanut satay sauce may prove to be a good treat. Mmmmmmmmm *drools*, so who's coming for dinner???

While the Cat Is Away...

2005-09-07T09:45:00.000-04:00

Well I see Boosie had a nice time while I was gone. Geez! You gotta love the girl though especially after the nice weekend I had. I did not realize how much I needed it until I was there and Friday night it hit me, and it hit me hard too. I did have an amazing time and I am so grateful to Boosie and ... ugh... Manly(?). I HATE that. Manly, ugh, I shudder at that. Don't get me wrong it does remind me of Little House on the Prairie, how Laura use to call Almonzo Manly. It does fit my friend but still don't be surprised to find him referred to something better at a later date.

I ended up not coming home until last night as I had to be home for my OB appt. this afternoon. Manly *gag* is leaving in the morning for their tour anyway so I had to come back. I was missing Spanky anyway even though he doens't seem to have noticed I left...

I have to finish unpacking, do some laundry, and at some point today, catch up on everyone's blogs! I am SO behind! And for that I'm sorry ya'll, I will get to you today or tomorrow! I hope ya'll all had a great weekend as well. Alrighty, I hear the washing machine calling... ugh.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit!

2005-09-03T18:42:00.000-04:00

People Boosie here may have made a blunder. Let us speak hypothetically for a moment. Suppose you were me and let us also suppose that GM shows up on your door step bright and early on a Saturday morning wanting to see his wife. What do you do? Do you
A. Tell him she is up visiting your parents
B. Tell him she drowned in the bay
C. Tell him she is spending the weekend with a famous rockstar and proceed to have him vow to kill them both and listen while he curses and starts ranting out how he will hunt them down in Jacksonville and make Manly sorry and make Sister understand SHE HAS TO COME BACK...

So... what would ya'll do? Yeah I wouldn't pick C either..

I'm a Trickster

2005-09-02T14:26:00.000-04:00

Good day blogging world! This is the one and only. Yes it is Boosie once more. My sister will kill me when she returns and see's I remember her passcode! I admit that is why I had to make a post. Now though I can tell you all what I did to my darling baby sister. I had our parents help me trick her. She bought it even knowing how insanely busy they are in the relief efforts right now, bless her gullible soul! She left home around 9ish this morning thinking she was going to the airport to meet our parents. Never questioning why our oldest sister's limo picked her up, only excited to see what she thought was our sister's limo! Which, I had hoped would seem feasible to pick them up. Dear lil' sis did not go on to the airport, oh no. Nor was it our sister's limo in which she departed, oh no. Sister is gone until Monday to Jacksonville to spend the weekend with her dearest childhood friend whom she has not seen in months upon months people. Dumbass GM wouldn't let him come to the wedding as he (GM) is a jealous punk. I think I am suppose to give people names right? Well let me call this young man... Manly! Yes, Manly cause, well... He is just that, manly! Any how. See Manly is a rather well known young man you could say. He is about to start a fall tour with his band this coming week and she won't see him again until most likely December. He called her a few weeks ago for her while she and Spanky were out and while chit chatting we devised this scheme and of course our parents went along with it. As I type this Sister is at Manly's house safe and sound in which she arrived bawling her eyes out bless her sweet heart. She is happy, I am happy that she is happy. Nothing but a clear future.

Now I must jump from here to scamper around until I need to pick up Spanky.

I hope you all have a safe holiday weekend!

I am literally BEGGING here.

2005-09-01T09:35:00.000-04:00

As I am sure there are few if any souls in the world about now who have not heard or seen the devastation left by Hurricane Katrina,I just wanted to make it further known that even a small donation of money, supplies or time can be a huge relief to many. I have heard the past two days, people claiming the lost souls in Louisiana and Mississippi deserve no help if they didn't have sense enough to flee the storm. Common sense would tell someone when watching the devastation on the news that if you don't have the money to fill up your car or if you don't have a car and money for a plane or bus fare, then you were left behind to make do. There are babies, weeks old, who have no formula due to no clean water to drink,no milk no nothing. I don't see how anyone could watch a mother struggling with hunger and fatigue herself as see begs others around her with food and necessities to please spare some for her baby. How could no one feel compassion for her plight? I cannot watch the news without succumbing to my own tears. I wish I had the time to lend to these people, or a place to let them stay. My parents back home have what use to be a daycare years ago and is now just an empty building. Yesterday afternoon my dad had the power and water restored to the building as my mom went to the store and bought food, water and hygiene items. They knew what they were going to do. And this morning within twenty minutes of placing a call to a local radio station on the coast, the received a call back that a family of 25 from Biloxi wanted the daycare. They are staying in Tallahassee right now but my dad is going to be meeting them at the interstate exit to lead them to their new temporary home. My parents aren't wealthy, but they are determined to give and do what they can in this effort. I am so immensely proud of them right now I could burst. A little while ago, Boosie, and I decided to make a donation to the Red Cross. Together with Sassy we pooled $2500.00. Not a grand amount, but it will damn sure help many at this point and I wish I could give more or do more but at least I gave my best. Now I want to encourage all of you to pass the word on to others by any means necessary. Help your fellow man when they are down, any small donation of time, money or food will be a God send. You can go to the RedCross, or go over to the Network for Good where you can choose to where your donation will go, whether it be for general relief or even to help rescue the animals trapped and hurt, it is more than some are doing. If you've made it this far in my lecture/rant/beg then I commend you and thank you.

Baby Steps... slow and steady

2005-08-30T11:47:00.000-04:00

Today I graduated to the second set of buttons on my maternity overalls. Woo hoo!

People were definitely looking at me today. I am big. I thought people were looking at me funny last week in this hideous t-shirt dress Boosie bought me, like I had escaped from a hospital. But today there was no question.

Sunday I had my first baby shower. It was at my oldest niece's house, she, Sassy and another niece (I have 5 down here) gave the shower for me. Everyone was so generous! I got all of the big ticket items on my registry. The only one I didn't get was the jogging stroller, but I did get two high chairs so today I returned one of those for the jog stroller. It was mostly people from Boosie and Sassy's church, which I did attend from birth to age 12, close friends and family that came to the shower. I got home that night and unboxed the stroller and high chair and put away all the blankets and clothes. It was fun putting everything away in the drawers and looking at all the cool things I got. I am truly blessed to have such generous and loving friends and family!

Tonight is going to be my first Child Birth class. It will the first of a five week course that Boosie is attending with me at the Medical Center where I'm having Pumpkin.

Tomorrow I have another dr. appt. Thursday out to dinner, again, with my old friend.

Then this weekend, our parents are coming down to stay a week. Should be interesting to say the least! Just trying to keep the mind flowing and free from thoughts of certain jackasses.

Hurry Up Pumpkin Mommy Needs Sushi!

2005-08-29T22:12:00.000-04:00

Sushi! I want sushi right now. I'm not truly fond of seaweed and raw seafood to begin with. I suppose I'm more of a bread and corn girl. But at my favorite sushi joint there is a fabulous and tasty item called "The Crazy Horse!" It hot and gooey. At first your senses explode with the tempura batter perfectly cooked on the outside. Eel sauce is showered like rain over this roll, balanced. I normally get soy paper; what can I say...again I gag at seaweed! The inside. Oh the inside is an orgasm in itself! Smoked salmon, avocado, cream cheese, and rice. Sounds simple enough. Once dipped into soy sauce it is all over! I could eat a million all day long! My mom will always try to get me to try something new. Like venture as far as a big bite of actual eel, crab, and other seafood. I try to. I just revert back to that four year old who doesn't want to try it.

Human nature is that way as well. We are afraid to try new things. To try something that isn't in our daily routines. But like we tell that child, "you don't know if you'll like it if you don't try it!" why don't we, as humans, take our own "adult" advise? Why not try that one thing we have been yearning to do for so many years. The thing we keep putting off? Society is obviously never going to change. But society can never change who we are. We can never forget nor lose what makes us individuals.

And in case anyone wonders why I am droning on and on about my lust for sushi, it is merely due to the fact I am trying to maintain sanity after GM never showed Friday night and never called at all. NEVER. At all. No excuse, no nothing. Nada.

I'm Starting To Second Guess Myself

2005-08-23T08:31:00.000-04:00

Over what? Pumpkin's name. I have told not only ya'll but in emails to my family, the five names. NO ONE has chosen or should I say guessed even the name I have picked. Sort of makes me wonder what people when say when he greets the world with his name.

In other updates, my fingers/hands are lots better and I am now typing on my own! And now I can start back responding to ya'll's blogs, which I had Boosie do for me a time of too but it's sort of a pain to tried to read something then give her my thought's to type out.

GM is coming up Friday night to "talk" and this is it. If we have to stay up all weekend long to come to terms with what we are facing and going through then we will. I do know I have had one bad marriage racked full of lying, stealing, physical and drug abuse, so I am not even about to attempt to tolerate one full of idiotic lying and alcohol. I am about to bring a new person into this world and just like when Spanky was born, I wouldn't let him go through what his dad was putting me through, I will not do that to Pumpkin either.

Good news though! I had went out last night to dinner and a show. I truly had the most pleasant evening. Now it was not a date, no where near it. Just an old friend who I knew as a child and he is an attorney now here in Tampa. He has been wanting to get together since I have been here and finally after him calling daily and Boosie constantly nagging me to "enjoy life" I agreed to an evening out. We started with dinner at a fabulous Italian restaurant, Bella's. Then we took in the show "BROKEN FLOWERS" at the old Tampa Theatre in the downtown area. It is the most beautiful building too. I am dying to go again simply for the ambiance of the place. I had a wonderful time and he actually wants to, as he put it, "keep me up and going" by taking me out again. He inquired about Saturday evening but with GM coming I had to decline so we set a tentative plan for Thursday evening. I must admit. I am a tad excited!

Got Me Giggling

2005-08-22T08:41:00.000-04:00

Well I will say from the comments and the emails and then also my family whom I have left in the dark, that I am getting quite a kick out of no one knowing Pumpkin's name! I did get suggestions from family yes but no one, and I mean NO ONE knows my final decision. I want to tell everyone I see and I feel like I could simply burst if I don't tell someone NOW! But... I have come up with a silly solution simply to apease myself here. I am going to tell ya'll his name... but the kicker is, I am listing 5 names both first and middle and all you can know is that one of those five will be lil' Pumkin's name! The names I am listing though are all names that I mulled over from day one.

1. Sebastian Payne
2. Tristan Gage
3. Preston Dayne
4. Patterson Noble
5. Fletcher Logan

There you have them folks, feel free to guess away and of course I DO your input as well! Fire away!

Sorrow And Joy

2005-08-20T18:07:00.000-04:00

They always seem to exist simultaneouly, sorrow and joy, one balanced against the other. Having just gone through a time of real sorrow that a few years ago would have devasted me for many MANY months, I feel my balance, my acceptance returning so quickly. I am standing on my feet after a storm that would have knocked me on my ass and kept me there for a protracted time, just a short while ago. I can see progress in my life, in my ability to handle life. About time, it took a lot of years and tears to arrive at this place and it may still be one step forward, one back but I can feel myself approaching that place of balance I have longed for most of my life. The storms come and go the wind knocks us around but it's finding that quiet centering in a place of balance amid the storms that saves our very sanity and sometimes our lives. Just keep on keeping on.

Fake Love?

2005-08-20T15:27:00.000-04:00

I believe that the deepest need all of us have is to know and be known... to love and be loved, without any pretenses. I also believe that this is the most difficult state to achieve because most of us have been conditioned to wear masks, even in our most intimate of relationships. So it stands to reason that to have our most basic need met we must learn how to free ourselves from the masks and become real people. Expose who we really are to those whom we love and whom we expect to love us. Throw away the notion that we must rearrange and remake ourselves in order to be worthy of love. If someone can't love you as you truly are, then it's not really love at all, just a substitute for it. The greatest gift we can give ourselves and others is to become a REAL person. I'd rather have the distain of someone who really knows me than the fake love of someone who doesn't. Now the distain of someone who only thinks they know me and doesn't, that is truly disgusting and not even worth a tear. But hey ya'll, kudos to moi I am FINALLY learning!

Kicking an' Punching As Only Pumpkin Can!

2005-08-19T11:09:00.000-04:00

I am looking forward to my next doctor's appointment Monday. I want ask the doctor some questions and after that I start bi-weekly appointments. For most of the pregnancy the Pumpkin' has been really low and laying sideways. All of his movement has been down below my waistline. When he kicks I can feel and sometimes see my belly bump out where he is kicking me. But yesterday he did a flip around. After lunch I felt him tumble around inside and he landed head down and started kicking me up around my ribs. I know the he's only about 3 pounds but I could actually feel a change in pressure where the his head ended up. It was such a strange sensation. Last night I went to bed thinking “Okay, this is it. He'll stay this way the rest of the pregnancy.” Nope. This morning he was back down low, laying down sideways. I'm wondering when he'll turn head down and stay that way. Really though, I'm okay with him staying sideways a little while longer. It's a lot more comfortable for me!

By the way ya'll I have decided on his name! Yay me! And other than a slight input from Boosie, Sassy and my folks, I have done it all on my own! My only concern is what while be the end result with GM. If we divorce I WILL do as I did on my last divorce and resume my maiden name. With Spanky I did however keep his last name as my ex's. But if GM is going to stay on his downhill decline and I know I would change my name then I would think I would give Pumpkin my last name. I suppose if things arent' settled by his birth then I can go back and change it later. I feel rather strongly about this though depending on how things work with GM that is and what roll if any he will take considering his current state of being.

Now... I have also wondered should I tell ya'll Pumpkin's name, should I wait til he is born etc. Still not sure. I mean yes most of you know my name but you don't know anyone else's that I write about on here. So I'll think on that a bit unless of course you all somehow drag it outta me! Lol.

Doing a CALLING out here!

2005-08-19T08:07:00.000-04:00

Okay I have gotten some really great comments/advice from someone who will be named herein shortly but I checked and I can't find she has a blog :( , So..... Faridee sug, do you have a blog hon? If not I think you have LOTS to say and share and I'd love to see you start one!

Classy I ain't, and my heart is being a nuisance again!

2005-08-18T11:06:00.000-04:00

Yes I know my composure failed me yesterday evening on my last post. Now look I know I am better off without him and our marriage. Despite me saying "I shall continue fighting for our relationship." I am not going to. I do honestly and yes, with a straight sane head, believe GM loves me and does want to change however, he just lacks the strength and motivation to do it. And I can't do it for him. Yes I may simply be a romantic, a dreamer that continually fools herself into believing that things truly will change and all will be okay. But I learned from my first marriage that that is not always the case.

They say First loves are never really over. Does that mean you are never truly free to love another, the way you loved that individual? Does that mean you'll never love another to the depth that you loved that individual?

Three and a half years since the parting between the ex-hubby and I, and have I yet truly healed? Have I never really gotten over him? I say this because now that he has been constantly writting, and my second marriage is going down the tubes in a similar fashion, my confidence is quite shakey. You see I thought that I'd finally let go. That I was no longer sitting around waiting to see if a miracle would occur and his (ex-hubby) crime was all a mistake and we could just pick up where we left off, and yet, here I sit, writing this, wondering but also knowing otherwise.

In fact, a part of me has in fact been waiting. Wanting. And so does that mean I'm wanting something I know no longer exists? I don't think so. Do I want the relationship we (again ex-hubby and I) had, no. I want more. Do I still want him, no. I know nothing about him. But do I want to learn about him? yes. Do I want to see if there's some of the man I used to know? yes. Do I want to see if he's grown into more of a man for me? yes. Is it likely to happen? No. Same all goes for GM.

I'm a realist through and through, but the romantic in me, the woman still waiting, she would like to be able to say she wasn't wrong. That when she knew she was going to marry him, she wasn't wrong. But seems like I was wrong five years ago on my first march down the aisle, just as I was this year on my second jaunt down the aisle. I am losing my faith in love while having to come to terms with reality and frankly, I don't like it not one damn bit.

I can hold it no longer (Yes this is GM related)

2005-08-17T21:26:00.000-04:00

Pain like I have never felt before consumes my heart and soul. My body ravaged by disease, it only coexists like to friendly partners. I feel so betrayed by the one that loves me most. Or the one I love like no other. Perhaps he will never know or ever understand the extent of the damages he pierces my soul with. I try to let such lift away like an unwanted stain; however, it happens often. I have learned to forgive and realize this is something that is a part of him I’ll always have to live with. If it means I spend the rest of my life with him I will take the blows he deals to me, unintentional or not. The gift of unconditional love and loyalty is what I have to offer and I never want him to experience the pain he has caused me, so thus I try to protect him from it. I am sure I have caused him certain amounts of pain as well, all relationships do. Perhaps he is not contented with me or holds a slight grudge simply because of past fights…that were both our faults.

I wish he knew or understood the extent of my pain that harbors now like a fresh wound. I’m always willing to put it behind us and let us continue our lives. I simply want peace and security, not hurt. I pray one day he shall will himself to change his actions. I’m so tired and frustrated of being hurt, I think that is why I lash out more easily at him when fights erupt because of all the sorrows I have been forced to endure. I don’t think he truly understands the nature of the situation simply because he is not me. The gnashing and clawing of my soul, will it ever end? But I love him more than he could ever imagine and I shall continue fighting for our relationship. I would endure a million hardships and excruciating pain for him. Another women would find me irrational of stupid for staying in such a relationship.

I simply see all of the good that is in our love, and the friendship. It has purity to it that no matter the evil that befalls us, it is always a bright light to me. I wish I could make him stop; but only he has the power to do such. I will always love him and I will never leave him even though he is so quick to throw in the towel with every fight. He tells me simply it is because he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore and he doesn't know how to change nor has the strenght. If that is so, he is the master of himself and has the power to stop his actions before it leads to further demise for us. I always have hope and faith that things will get better no matter how bleak the situation. There is no point in praying for him not to betray me again, I would die if he did.

Just Me

2005-08-17T12:06:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I don't know what to write in this journal, days that I'm not having any profound thoughts, ordinary, uninspiring days. But today I do feel inspired by the beauty and power of love. I feel it all around me and inside me and to me love is the most inspiring force on Earth. I have begun to love me! Now that might not seem like much to some people but to me it's a miracle. I love my tenderness and care for others, my hot passionate side as well. I love the way I now can stand up for myself and say no without feeling any guilt for having said it. I love the way I can be strong and unbending against things and people who are wrong and I can do it now FEARLESSLY and FORCEFULLY. This is new for me and.... God I like it. I like feeling that inner power and strength to balance the soft and gentle side of my personality. I wish I had loved myself years ago but I don't think I really knew me very well. Better late than never to find and love who I am. I am thankful to those who loved me, admired me and to those that hated and disrespected me, the first gently introduced me to myself and the second forced me to defend myself. So today I have nothing to complain about. I am learning to love me so I can love others and it gets better with time.

Cleaning House

2005-08-16T00:04:00.000-04:00

Hi all, yes, this is Boosie again, Rin has been at me for HOURS you guys trying to get me to "clean up her blog she wanted her 100 things updated and everything about GM taken off. So I did (slowly) as she asked.

She is recovering quite well. She went to the doc earlier and some of her bandages were able to come off, her face is looking great. (Damn her now her teeny tiny crows feet are gone as are her teeny tiny frown lines! Like I told her women pay LOT of dough for chemical peels that burn LOTS worse, I had a friend go through it so she'll be please in about another week. The only bandages still on are on her hands and left foot. We go back next Monday so keep her in your prayers please.

And thank you all for you compliments on Pumpkins room, we are SO pleased with it and it turned out just as we, well she had hoped. She wanted something unique and special and I'd do whatever it would have taken to get it for her.

More updates as things progress!

Boo! It's Boosie Again!

2005-08-15T16:19:00.000-04:00

Guys I hope you think this rocks as this was my BIG gift to sis and the lil' one. Here's the pic's I have uploaded enjoy!

I love it when a plan comes together... well almost

2005-08-15T10:24:00.000-04:00

My parents cleared my belongings from my house, which most will stay in storage until I decided to leave from under the wing of Boosie. They did bring my bed and Spanky's stuff down Saturday and my sweetie kitty Speedy whom I have been missing terribly!

Yesterday Boosie and I spent hours upon hours searching for the "PERFECT" nursery accessories and alas I think we done great! Her kitchen that I mildly destroyed is almost completely finished, the new cabinets go in today! And my niece Sassy got her artist friend to finish up the mural to coincide with the theme!

I can't believe I have 11.5 weeks to go! I'm so excited now.

I thought I would be terribly in a deep depression without GM but I'm not. I feel really great about how things are going.

Spanky is LOVING his new preschool and I can already tell he is doing much better where he is now versus the small place I had him enrolled in up in N. Florida. He is so loving it too so that has put me at a much greater ease as well.

Boosie is going to upload the nursery photos later so until then, I think I nee a big breakfast and a nice nap! Toodles!

Preggo Lingo

2005-08-11T13:50:00.000-04:00

I have found the best way to blog! I sit back in bed while Boosie types for me! So without further ado, I shall relay my post to her!

In the last 7 weeks, nothing much has changed with Pumpkin, I have gained about 15 pounds so far, and I'm definatly looking pregnant. He is kicking a whole lot, and you can actually see my stomach in strange positions and get all distorted when he is moving!! I really love feeling the baby move. I loved it the first pregnancy, too - even when I was 8 months and could hardly sleep because of all the activity. I loved knowing that the life inside of me was flourishing!

I did have quite a scare recently though, I failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test, so I was ordered to take the 3 hour fasting test. I was slightly concerned because my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. I wasn't concerned about gestational diabetes exactly, but more so about the indication that I might be at risk for adult onset diabetes down the road. The lab visit itself wasn't that awful of an experience. Luckily I do not have an extreme fear of needles like my husband, but I can't say that I actually enjoyed being stuck numerous times. I was stuck a total of 4 times, each time by a different person who obviously had a different technique. The first stick was uneventful and I remember telling myself that it wasn't going to be too bad after all. Once I got stuck by the second person, I quickly changed my mind. I don't know what happened exactly but my entire arm went numb and then it cramped and burned. Needless to say I switched arms for the next two blood withdrawals, which weren't as smooth as the first nor as awful as the second. The only other difficult part of the test was that I couldn't eat after midnight before the test. Add the time it took for the actual test and it was nearly 12 hours that I went without food . . . well unless you count the nasty glucose I had to chug as a food substance. And let me tell you, if you think regular acid reflux is bad, imagine how bad it is when your stomach is empty except for stomach acid and sugar. My throat and nose burned so bad toward the end it was amazing that I didn't get sick! After the appointment Boosie drove me quickly to a fast food restaurant and I scarfed down a roast beef sandwich and a vanilla shake (my justification was that it would comfort my burning throat!). Thankfully it did the trick!

Thankfully my numbers were well within the limits, so I definitely don't have gestational diabetes. However, I'm concerned enough to watch my diet and weight once the baby is born to keep myself at a lower risk for diabetes down the road...even if it's just to avoid going through that experience again... yuck!

pssst
Rin will hurt me, but I've been snapping shots weekly of her belly and since I'm controlling this bad boy right now, here's a little entertainment for her readers.

To All You Wonderful Bloggers Minus One

2005-08-11T07:33:00.000-04:00

Hello all, this is Boosie, Rin's sis. She has received tons of emails and comments and they have touched her deeply and she in time says she will thank you each individually but as you can most reasonably guess, answering tons of emails is rather difficult as she can barely move her fingers. She is doing well, mainly sleeping as the percocet she has been given keeps her knocked out but I think rather that is best for her now as she is in a great deal of pain. I personally would like to thank you all for sending prayers, thoughts, and hugs her way, all except for one rather rude jackass who left a comment that I will have to figure out how to delete. And I may stroll over and tell this asshole what I think of he/she. And if ya'll feel froggy, look in her comments and see what the ass "wildcat9two" put to her. How fucking rude! I won't link to it because if I am correct that would be helping that ass out but you all can do as I did and click the ass's name and go to their shitty site.

Thank you all again. And I will continue to read Rin everyone's comments and emails. Thank you wonderful people, you guys truly have put a smile on her face.

Stupid is as Rin does

2005-08-09T11:54:00.000-04:00

This while be quick and forgive the mistyping. Sunday night Spanky wanted cheeseburgers and fries so I was heating up the grease for the fries and unbeknowst to me how the pot of grease while on medium heat burst into flames shot across the kitchen at me and severly burned me. Thankfully no one else was in the kitchen. It done roughly 5k damage to my sisters kitchen and I had to be rushed to the ER. I have 2nd degree burns all on my right side including my face. I was released from the hospital and have followed up wiht a plastic surgeon so we will see what is next at my next visit. I just wanted to check in with ya'll. And to also thank ya'll for your prayers for my daddy. I will try to update again later this week. Just wanted to let you know what is happening. Thanks you again for your prayers and sweet words, I love you guys!

I need you all now...

2005-08-07T15:01:00.000-04:00

my daddy has been having problems he assumed with his ear, and his quack of a doctor said oh it's just an ear infection. Well it got so bad last night my mom took him to the ER and he is still there. They have found a mass at the bass of his throat. my dad is a smoker and he dips as well, not to mention my uncle died from having a tumorous mass in his throat that was cancerous. Daddy will be going to a specialist tomorrow for a biopsy and then they will go from there. I have cried and cried all night and all day. I can't help but worry, I mean who wouldn't. This is killing me inside, just the possibilites. If it turns out to be cancerous I will be heading to be with them. Until I would kindly ask you all to please no matter your faith, to keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He will need all he can get if it goes the wrong way here. Thanks ya'll. I know I can count on ya'll.

I just do not know what to say...

2005-08-06T19:35:00.000-04:00

GM is here... currently he is babbling like a baby "wahhh wahhh things will change.... sniff sniff, I'm sorry, forgive me" BLAH BLAH BLAH, sorry but I am NOT buying it people... we shall see.. Heavens praise he leave tomorrow quick update here while he iw bawling in the shower... please ya'll a prayer or 1,000 are needed! I need strength... send it my way! UGh!

Messages you get can be awful scary

2005-08-05T13:20:00.000-04:00

My name is Felix I am 6ft 8inch age 28yrs old I hail from Andorra I ran into Ur profile and was impressed. I felt we had similar interests, these makes me to stop over and ask if U can choose me as Ur friend. What is Friendship?: friendship is vital to human spirit as food and water are important to human body. Yet 4 many, satisfying the basic n`d 4 friendship is difficult. Loneliness is common; we don’t have to look far to see some of the causes. Who is a friend? A friend is someone U can talk to freely about anything, some one U can call any time of the day that will response to Ur call. A friend understands when U re hurt and feels the same thing inside Pls choose me as Ur friend today I promise to respect U all the days of my life. Choose me I am real. U are my best friend, U see somebody without a best friend seems like drinking a cup of tea without sugar, and how will it test? The test will be bad, Loneliness is not an illness, loneliness is a healthy hunger…a natural sign that we are lacking companionship’, just as hunger moves us to take a nourishing food, the feelings of loneliness should move us to seek out good friends, I do hope this will not come as an embarrassment to U, and if it does pls 4give me.

CAN WE SAY WEIRD!!!! ::runs off crying::

I'm A Hustler Baby (STICKY)

2005-08-04T09:27:00.000-04:00

In light of the upcoming Blogathon, I thought I better get to pimpin' out some lovely blogger folks and remind ya'll what a great cause this is so grab your wallets and donate now before it's too late! Not sure who to sponsor? How about Kerry? Her campaign is for Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America (CCFA). If you aren't able to sponsor her, at least stop by from time to time this weekend and encourage her on!

Maybe this is why my marriage sucks

2005-08-04T09:11:00.000-04:00

The Good Wife's Guide
From "Housekeeping Monthly", May 13, 1955.

- Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about is needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

- Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

- Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

- Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

- Be happy to see him.

- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first -remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

- Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his very real need to be at home and relax.

- Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

- Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

- Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low soothing and pleasant voice.

- Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

- A good wife always knows her place.

Endless...

2005-08-03T11:45:00.000-04:00

Is my amusement over this picture. It really says something about me that this pic has made me laugh today more than I have laughed in the past few weeks.

I Think I'm In LOVE

2005-08-03T08:21:00.000-04:00

Last night before Spanky and I fell asleep...I looked at him and smiled and told him that I loved him...he got this quite little smirk on his face....and then he said "Mommy when you smile and tell me 'dat my tummy feels funny" and then I said "oh like butterflies in your stomach"....and he said "yeah mommy like that"
OH MY LORD ISN'T THAT JUST THE CUTEST THING EVER...I GIVE HIM BUTTERFLIES!!!

After he fell asleep I went down to talk things over with Boosie, since my initial plan was to leave Tampa today, I thought it was time to do some serious talking. I will spare ya'll the endless hours of crying, yelling and laughing and tell you this. I am not leaving Tampa. At all. I'm staying. I am calling my supervisor today, lucky for me she is a doll, and tell her I am going to put in my notice today and for the next two weeks I will be using up my time I have accrued. I know she'll allow it so about that I am not worried. Obviously by now GM has totally been clued in on what is going on as he has conferred numerous times with my family, but not me. He wants to come down this weekend and "talk" I left a message for him that that would be fine. I doubt seriously that he can say or do anything to persuade me to change my mind at this point. I have still kept up with him and his "doings" while I've been down here and I will say, he has not changed in the slightest way. If anything, he has worsened. I can afford to stay here and stay out of work that won't be a problem. Boosie and I discussed finances and have agreed upon what I will pay her monthly after mush squabbling since she insisted she would not take any money, I finally got her to relent. Today I have to spend looking for an Obstetrician and dealing with my insurance company. Everything else will have to wait. Tomorrow will be spent trying to enroll Spanky in a preschool. This may be a lot of trouble but I feel it will be worth it.

What Life Has Taught Me Thus Far

2005-08-02T11:03:00.000-04:00

There is NO ONE better than me, and I am better than no one. People are nothing special and I don't owe them any of my weaknesses. I don't teach my kids the golden rule. I teach them to treat people however they feel, because you can spend your entire life trying to please someone and still get shit on in the end. Treat yourself how you want to be treated. If you find yourself out of character with someone, know that they will only do for you what benefits them. I teach them to follow their own heart knowing that two wrongs never make a right.

Had I known this before, I would have not suffered so much self-loathing and insecurity. I would not have wasted so much effort the past 7 years trying to please that which can never be pleased. I would have not hid my failures. I would have known that they were not failures, just (their) judgements. I would have not lost all trust in everything good and innocent, for now most everything has an ulterior motive. Before I sleep, I would not cry as I drift off into nightmares that await.

Ughhhh....

This is very important. I have been through too much but for a reason. A reason which has made me stronger. I won't get into deep details (as some of you know already), I'm just wanting to share a life lesson.

Love yourself the best you can. Never go out of your way for someone who expects you to. People need to accept you. Not the other way around.

I am the best I can be. I do the best I can do. The end.

I do not forgive (thats what God died for, not me) and I do not forget. I accept and move forward. I admit, I am no longer carefree or untainted. I've experienced good and evil and know that one evil deed can murder a thousand good deeds.

I do not like to be hurt and I hate to hurt others. Because of this, I spent my life trying to please. Trying to be respectful. Hurt is inevitable for me. I now strive to respect others without disrespecting my own self. This can label me as selfish or bitchy. I look at it as having my priorities straight. I'm not a bitch. It doesn't benefit me to have someone cry due to my actions or to have someone dislike me. Most importantly, however, it doesn't benefit me or my children to allow someone to bring me down to a level of emptiness and self-loathing.

I expect nothing from no one and expect everyone to expect something from me. This makes me weak. It always has. I have suffered great pain and loss of ones self because of this. Don't make the same mistake.

Nobody has the right to judge you or hurt you. Nobody.

No rest for the heart broken and pregnant

2005-07-31T19:21:00.000-04:00

If I never go on a vacation again in my life that will be fine as Boosie has managed to drag me to hundreds (not really) of places since Friday. She calls it preoccupying the mind. Today we spent 6 hours, SIX HOURS at the Big Top flea market. And believe me I still don't we saw everything. Though I admit I had a great time there. You would not believe this place. It was like the Mall of America of flea markets! Truly anything I could have thought of wanting was there.

Yesterday we went to Lowry's Zoo. That was incredible to watch Spanky enjoy it all like he did. Tomorrow we hit the Florida Aquarium, University Mall and most enjoyable to me, the resturants! I would never tell Boosie but that is what I enjoy most of all. I mean really, what tired, sweaty, irritable pregnant chick wants to see elephants or fish when she could sit down to a nice huge plate of ribs at Rib City Grill, which is where we had lunch today, followed by another feast at Sam Seltzer's steakhouse! I fear I may turn into a cow before I leave Tampa with all the sirloin I've been scarfing down... oh wait... I already look like a cow!

There is so much to tell about my time here but alas I am going to have to cut it short today. I'm rather tired, and full. I have however decided one thing. If, things do further turn sour between GM and I, then I want to move here. I have made up my mind about that but so far nothing else. I plan to call him when I return home Wednesday and go from there. Until then, nothing is certain. Boosie told me I was more than welcome to live with her full time. We'll see. I'd be leaving alot behind and it's too soon to know what is best.

Hope ya'll had a more laidback weekend than I did!

Breaker Breaker 19...

2005-07-28T19:11:00.000-04:00

This is an emergency of the BassFairy Blog... Please stand by for further instructions.

Ok this is crucial people. I must, did you get that? I MUST know who the artist is for this artwork. Not the tattoo artist, the orginal artist. If you can help... well, I'll love you forever! AND I'll do you a HUGE favor, within reason of course. Just name it! MUAH! Thank you! Thank you! Now here is the picture:

The Art of Fine Dining

2005-07-28T07:44:00.000-04:00

Oh my, it is only 7:00 in the morning and I am STILL stuffed from last night's meal! I must admit though I felt so out of place! I mean it's called a steakhouse and so I guess I was expecting a Longhorn/Outback sort of atmosphere and let me say it was totally opposite. I admit I was curious when Boosie had gone out yesterday and bought me a new dress that would have been quite a bit too much for the local Longhorn. However at Bern's I fit in perfectly. Well at least my outfit did. There were SO many seafood options but I wandered away from those. I am too apprehensive to eat that sort of stuff while pregnant. And let me just say I had no idea there were so many types of caviar, not that I eat that crap but still. So we started out with grilled garlic mushrooms though they were called something a lot fancier than that. And also some tomato soup, it too had a foo foo name. Even our salads, which were just regular house salads with some foo foo stuff thrown in had a name that I couldn't even pronounce! For my "entree" I had a grilled steak. The thing came with the juice it was cooked in plus some other juice that stunk so bad I had to move it off my plate just to eat. They also included two types of dipping sauce, one had some funky looking stuff floating in it. I just ate the steak as it was. I figured it wasn't the kind of place that would have A1 so I didn't bother asking. I think Boosie would have killed me if I had. After eating we headed up to the dessert room and good lord it was like another restaurant in itself up there. There was dancing, drinking... But I was there for business. I wanted dessert, chocolate, and lots of it. They had just the thing I sought and I could even pronounce it! Chocolate-Chocolate-Chocolate was it's name. It was layers and layers of chocolateness! Chocolate cake, chocolate cream pie, chocolate cheesecake and chocolate mousse! I had died and gone to chocolate heaven! Boosie had something I couldn't pronounce though. It looked good though... foo foo though with stuff sticking out of the top of it. Truly it didn't even look edible but she ate it all. All in all I had a grand time. It was a welcome change to my normal dining experience I must say. I thanked my sis immensely for the evening out but told her next time I'd be happy at the Longhorn.

Stepping Back in Time

2005-07-27T15:11:00.000-04:00

Guess where I get to go tomorrow? I am SO excited, can't you tell? Really though I am excited but not for me, for Spanky! We are going to DinoWorld tomorrow! We will be able to back in time with 150 life size dinosaurs displayed outdoors in a lush jungle. Enjoy a fossil dig, the museum, gift shop, a theater production, playground and lots of hands-on activities for Spanky.

Tonight Sassy is keeping Spanky while Boosie and I enjoy a nice quiet dinner and a posh but positively scrumptious resturant called Berns Steak House. This place raises their own cattle ya'll! I mean I have never heard such a thing! My mouth is watering just thinking about it. I hope Boosie knows what she got herself into. The best part... they have a dessert room! It is a more subdued environment upstairs simply for coffee, desserts, fresh fruit, great cheeses, aged Cognacs, Armagnacs, liqueurs, sipping whiskies, and dessert wines from around the world. Come on 6:00! Whoo!

Tada!

2005-07-27T08:11:00.000-04:00

I posted a little meme thing yesterday on here so I am going to answer what I've been asked thus far.

Joe, the kindest sweetest cowboy I know, asked the following:

1.What is your nickname in real life?
I have always been called Poohey, since day one. Winnie the Pooh was the greatest thing in 1980 so my nursery was Pooh and in turn from having Pooh shoved at me all through childhood and being calle Poohey, I collected Pooh for YEARS! I have 67 collectable Pooh's plus TONS of others Pooh stuff... now all packed away! Oh and I later evolved into... Rinnie the Pooh! Heh.

2.Have you ever dyed that beautiful red hair another color?
Lord help did I! I will NEVER again do something so stupid either! I dyed my hair black with platinum highlights. Stupid stupid stupid! And because I love you Joe, HERE is a pic of the horrid phase. It doesn't look as dark here cause it had started to fade at this point thank heavens!

3.What is your favorite song?
I knew you would ask me this! his was a tuffy! Picking out one song over all the other great songs I've heard in my entire lifetime was not an easy thing to do. I have favorite songs from Country 'n Western, Classical (Ahhh... Tchaikovsky!), Pop, Rock -- all kinds of songs. Okay my all time favorite would have to be He Stopped Loving Her Today by George Jones! Yes indeed!

And the sweetest blogger I know, Marybeth, wanted to know:

1. What always makes you smile?
My son's never fail to put a smile on my face no matter what my mood is.
2. If I could give you a flower garden, what would you like me to plant?
Ah... easy! Hydrangea! Any color! They are the most beautiful flowers ever!
3. What do you dream about?
Finding indefinate happiness. It seems impossible.

The lovely Anna Banana posed the following:

1. Are you a native Floridian?.
Born and raised for the most part. I have lived in Vermont and Virginia though. And I hate to turn on Florida and say this but if she keeps being the bullseye for all these hurricanes, I think I may head to Vermont! That is the most gorgeous peaceful place I have ever lived.
2. Travel much?
Oh I use to all the time! I LOVE traveling. It has just gotten harder to do since Spanky was born. The only place left in the US I long to go to is Alaska. Overseas the only place left is Holland.
3. Do you want more children after this one?
Ah... I do but I don't. Part of me longs in a a tiny way for a daughter someday but right now I think the boys will be plenty to keep me entertained and going!

Okay ya'll thank ya'll SO much for the suggestions first off and I loved ya'lls questions!
*oe I am so with you on the favorite movie! I LOVE that movie! TAWANDA!!!
*MaryBeth I have wanted to watch the Notebook but haven't yet had the chance, myabe while I'm here at Boosie's I can!
*Anna I am going to have to hunt down that book A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving!

I really shouldn't be saying this...

2005-07-26T18:49:00.000-04:00

My mom called a few minutes ago to let me know the photographer called her... my wedding photo's are ready. I already viewed the negatives and done the ordering, this is for the pickup. I told her not to get them yet. She insisted she was going to so I told her when I returned not to show them to me or mention them unless I am overly persistant about them. Somehow I doubt I will be. Seeing them would not bring the joyous emotions one's wedding photo's should.

After I hung up with her I checked my voicemail at home and GM had left at date 7 messages on the house phone and 10 on my cell phone. Part of me ached to call him but I know it's too soon. I still haven't figured out how I feel nor have I come to terms with what all I have discovered about him recently. In due time Boosie says, it will come to me. I will automatically know. I hope she is right.

Alright, Boosie is fixing enchilada's for supper so I'm going to go help out some and get my mind off this. For now...

From some blog... far far away...

2005-07-26T13:32:00.000-04:00

A) First, recommend to me:

1. a movie.
2. a book.
3. a musical artist, song, or album.

B) Ask me three questions. Ask me anything you want.

C) Go to your blog (if you have one), copy and paste this, and allow everyone to ask you anything.

That is all. You may leave now...

Better Not Stay Here Too Long...

2005-07-26T08:59:00.000-04:00

Or I could end up looking like my niece... and frankly, I don't think this look would suit me too well.

Seriously, I was trying to hunt some pictures on Boosie's puter and found these of, well, we'll call her Sassy from here on out, cause it's fits so well. Don't let the pic of Sassy fool you. She has 5 spikes coming out of her bottom lip now... I still don't get her point in that. I was 21 a few years ago and I never had such an urge! But alas I did find a picture from a year ago of my oldest sweetest sista, Boosie swaking her baby gal Sassy.

Boosie is the most awesome person I have EVER met. A lot of older folks in our family think that she must be nuts as are her 3 kids all because of the way my neices look. Truthfully I would be one helluva lucky mom if my kids turn out half as decent as her girls have. She raised them all on her own too. The lady deserves the kudos. Especially now that she is putting up with me!

Here I Sit... Way Down Here

2005-07-25T18:03:00.000-04:00

I have been ordered, ehem, to NOT speak of the reason I am here in Tampa at my sister's house. By my sister. For 24 hours. I am to relax, unwind, and do nothing. I think I may enjoy this!

As I type this, Boosie (my sister) took Spanky to the mall and will return at some point with food. Though I'm not worried, with her kids grown and gone, and living alone, she has this place stocked! She loves food almost as much as I do!

I just wanted to post to let ya'll know I made it. Oh and Boosie took my cell phone so "HE" can't call me. Heh. S'kay though. I won't stress... yet. And in case you are wondering why I am where I am etc, first go here, then check here. Should catch you up to speed. Now I believe I hear that jacuzzi tub of Boosie's calling my name!

Thank you guys!

2005-07-25T08:06:00.000-04:00

First off I wanted to thank ya'll for your comments and emails. I got everything loaded into my trunk yesterday before GM returned home so he never knew what I had been up to. And I know it may sound sneaky that I am doing this the way I am but had I not, then he would simply find a way to stop me and honestly that will not do either of us any good.

I am sitting here now at work wrapping things up waiting for my supervisor to get in so I can discuss taking a leave. I packed enough for Spanky and I to stay two weeks at least but I'm not sure we can stay that long. I have my next doctor appt. August 9th so I need to be here for that at least.

GM got up this morning and left to go to work and he will be staying at the coast this week to work instead of going to class at their request. They divided up the class for firearms training and he will be doing that next week, so this week he works.

Spanky is here at work with me anxious as hell to go see his Aunt Boosie! We should be gone with in the hour. I am nervous but terribly anxious as well. I don't know if I am doing the right thing. Part of me is terrified I won't come back. Or if
I do it won't matter because things may never be okay. I suppose all I can do is wait and hope for the best, that and pray alot.

Okay ya'll, let me finish up here and I will update later!

This WILL be the last time

2005-07-24T10:16:00.000-04:00

There is not much I think I deserve from GM. I never ask him
for anything, and I never tell him what to do simply because I
want him to be his own person and make his own choices and
learn from his own mistakes. But it just seems that whenever
he does make his own choices, he makes the same mistakes
He has not learned.
I am sick of his lies. I am so tired of always having to wonder
if what he is saying is the truth or just another one of his
lies he is using to sugarcoat. I may not deserve much, but I
know I do not deserve being lied to. I guess I just expect more
from him than what he is capable of doing.

I can't take the lying, the sneaking around and I'm not sure
why he would sneak around in the ways in which he is.

I decided sometime in the wee hours of the morning to go in to
work tomorrow and take the rest of the week off. I am busy
packing today because I am getting away. As far away as I can
at the moment. I am going to head down to Tampa to stay at my
oldest sister's house for a bit. If anyone can wise me up to
this situation and make me feel stronger on my decisions it will
be her.

I will update while I'm away though. In the meantime I need to
pack before GM gets home from church.

In My Prayers

2005-07-21T10:37:00.000-04:00

I have no words again as my thoughts and prayers are once more
on London this morning...

As Promised, I Will Deliver

2005-07-21T08:57:00.000-04:00

I said hang on there would be some drama or excitement right? Well I am
delivering on that now. First off, if I am home alone as I am this week, I
check my mail in the mornings at 5:00 am because the perv who broke
into my home last October is always outside in the evenings and I don't
like having him stare at me. So this morning I am leaving for work and I
pulled up to the mailbox. In it was a letter from my ex, Spanky's dad. I
believe most of you know but in case you don't, he is serving a rather
lengthy prison sentence. Lengthy as in he doesn't have a remote possiblity
of walking out until at least 2035.

Well it seems as though he and his attorney have made some sort of motion
that was accepted to get him back into court. He didn't go into too much
detail in his letter. Most of it was telling me how he misses me and Spanky
and that he would love to see us, blah blah.

So I come into to work this morning and the first thing I done was log onto
the newspaper from the town we lived in while married. I searched
quickly through the archive while switching back to the clerk of court
website for that county as well. Finally after 30 minutes or so of searching
I find his motion is related to "amphetamine psychosis", resulting from long
term abuse of meth. I believe it's true, I do. I looked up the symptoms and
so forth also and they describe how he was for a very long time, even after
he went to jail. I am not sure what good it will do for his case if any but I
suppose they will try every and anything to get a break at this point.

I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know what my emotions should be.
I don't know if I should write back and if I do, what do I say?

I say a small prayer every time I check the mail because I know he always
contacts us out of the blue. I only know to expect it during the time around
mine and Spanky's birthday's. I suppose I am over reacting and letting
myself be bothered by it but I cannot help it my nerves and emotions have
enough going on that any little thing is sure to bother me also.

One good thing is GM will be home sometime tonight! I have really missed
him this week.

Okay I guess I'll stop my googling and start doing some work.

Maybe 3rd time IS a charm

2005-07-20T18:11:00.000-04:00

I am suppose to be doing some research for a class I'm taking but
instead I just found myself reading entertainment news and I couldn't
help it but when I saw a certain couple was to wed, again, for the THIRD
time, well I had to click and see who. Go on... you know you wanna know
too.

Well

2005-07-20T10:55:00.000-04:00

I haven't mentioned GM this week and this will be the last time I
do so for a while. We have alot, well not alot, but several things to
work out and me staying at relatives homes wasn't getting it so he is
down at the coast this week since his best friend Rad started working
at the prison this week he decided to stay with him and catch the
work van to class each day. We didn't talk Monday night but he did
catch me on my way to work yesterday morning and we chatted
casually for a minute. Last night I had class but he called as I was
hopping into bed to tell me he missed me and loved me and that he
will head home (our home) after class Friday.

Pumpkin' insists on staying up all night squirming and kicking as I
prefer to sleep. I can tell this kid is going to cause problems for my
sleep habits...

So life is work, school, Spanky, sleep, wake up repeat. Fun huh? Don't
worry I am sure something exciting will happen to me at some point...
maybe.

Oh and the puzzle thing from yesterday. It's a 5 pointed star... Heh. Go figure.

Test Your Intelligence!

2005-07-19T11:47:00.000-04:00

Okay ya'll. Help me out here before I go insane. Let's say you have 5
rows of trees. EACH row has 4 trees. There are 10 trees in all. How?
OMG, seriously how!?

Where's My Bat?

2005-07-18T12:54:00.000-04:00

This is the kind of crap that makes me believe I could actually harm a
human being and feel no remorse. The things I could and would do to
this ass is a list a mile long!

Reformatting Leads to Cleanliness

2005-07-18T08:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I get crazy ideas into my head. Today because I
couldn't get Zoo Tycoon to play properly I loaded up a different
game. That game wasn't working either. Something was definately
not right with my computer so I thought about what I could do.
Eventually I decided to reformat my harddrive.

Anyone who has done this themselves would know the task is not
a simple one. First you have to back up any information you have
on your harddrive that you don't want to loose. In my case a great
deal of the junk I had collecting in My Documents including,
photo's, music, programming projects, genealogy, and writing.
Then you put your windows CD in the drive and restart the computer
pressing any key to make it boot from CD. Delete the partition
(you've now got an empty harddrive with absolutely nothing on it)
repartition. With a new fresh partition you can now reinstall
Windows.

Windows takes about an hour to fully install. Then you've got
to install any programs you'd normally use, in my case, Yahoo,
Microsoft Office, NVidia, Radeon, HTML Kit, Adobe Reader and
my modem. All these things are kept on handy disks including
a file called My Downloads. It's time consuming but thankfully
I reformat my drive often enough to have it down to an artform.

Of course what I forgot to backup was my favorites. So I had to
remember websites I'd normally have in there. All the web pages
I'd had dumped in there for reading, reviewing and studying are
gone. So are all the contests I was going to enter. But it's
kind of freeing to have such a tidy Favorites.

In fact it feels pretty good to have so little on my HD at the
moment. I've got so much space, it's unnatural My writing folder
is bare at the moment except for my novel and a txt file for my
Haiku. Everything is backed up on disk and it can all stay there
for now. Out with the old and onto the new.

Starting fresh with plenty of room to fill. I've even got some
great inspirational messages and beautiful pictures set up as my
desktop background. My PC is looking great. My computer desk is
tidy. It's wonderful having such a clean, neat workspace. Now if
only I can keep it that way. Not likely but I'll try.

100 Things I Love and About Me Too!

2005-07-16T11:40:00.000-04:00

Ta da! I finally have a 100 things list!

1. I was born February 25, 1980.
2. 30 minutes from where I live today.
3. I did once for two years.
4. I came home with a 4 week old baby and a failing marriage.
5. My hubby was facing prison on a murder charge.
6. He got it too. 40 years.
7. I am my mom’s only child.
8. I am my dad’s 5th.
9. I have 4 sisters.
10. They are 16-20 years older than me.
11. I only get along with one of them.
12. The others and I don’t speak. Ever.
13. My parents are still married after 38 years.
14. I am fascinated with Bigfoot.
15. I LOVE persuing antique and thrift stores
16. Tim Burton films are my favs!
17. Yes I believe he/it exists.
18. We have the Florida SkunkApe here.
19. I also believe in ghosts.
20. In fact my Papa is around a lot.
21. "Brat Pack" movies kick ass!
22. Nightmare Before Christmas collectibles
23. Rockabillly music
24. Asian gardens with koi ponds ( I have GOT to get one!)
25. Halloween!!!! Everything about it
28. I will not cook beef. I hate the smell. I’ll eat it outside my home only.
29. Unexpected flowers
30. Walks on autumn days
31. Walking barefoot in the grass
32. I collect fairies.
33. And anything Nightmare Before Christmas.
34. Meditation
35. Really old cemeteries
36. I smoke. (before I got prego with pumpkin'
37. But only when drinking coffee or alcohol.
38. I am scared shitless of clowns. If you bring a copy of IT into my home. You will be banned.
39. I got blindsided by my ex hubby, Spanky’s dad.
40. Now I’m deaf in my right ear.
41. He is/was a meth addict.
42. Yes I have smoked weed. That is the extent of my drug binges.
43. I daydream way too much.
44. My world revolves around my boys. Especially Spanky.
45. I have never do I ever want a lil’ girl. They scare me.
46. I have 2 tattoo’s.
47. One is a cover up.
48. I had Spanky’s dad’s name on me. Yes I’m a dumbass.
49. Now I have a fairy covering it that is blowing up fairy dust and Spanky’s name is spelled out.
50. I have C to the second power above my belly button. Spanky and Spunky’s names start with C.
51. I love writing poetry.
52. And short horror works.
53. I can’t draw a straight line to save my life.
54. My favorite color is deep green.
55. Everything is my house is now deep green.
56. I use to hate having red hair.
57. Now I relish in the fact mine doesn’t come from a bottle like every other redhead I know.
58. I am not a dog person.
59. They never smell clean to me.
60. I have one cat. Speedy.
61. He walks sideways and has a 13-inch tail.
62. I love all things girly. Manicures, pedicures, massages. The works.
63. I am too poor to afford them though.
64. So every two weeks on payday I do it all myself one night.
65. While sipping martini’s.
66. I always wait to the last minute to get things done.
67. I once broke my jawbone playing volleyball in high school.
68. My uncle use to tell me that flat seashells were whale toenails, and I believed him.
69. I have road rage in the worst possible way.
70. I’m a fragrance whore.
71. I have over 20+ perfume’s.
72. Plus about 15 or so body sprays.
73. I make Spanky,and the cat sneeze a lot.
74. I’d wear skirts everyday if the weather would let me.
75. I feel prettier in skirts.
76. When I was little my mom made me be in girl scouts.
77. I ate a lot of cookies.
78. I contribute that to my pre-adolescent chubbiness.
79. I run from GS cookies now.
80. I constantly have to watch my weight.
81. I am always on a diet. ALWAYS!
82. If it weren’t for beer, I’d weigh a lot less.
83. I can play the violin, flute, and clarinet.
84. I’m learning the bass guitar.
85. I want to learn drums.
86. I met Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage when I was 8.
87. I thought that was so cool.
88. Until I met Joey from the New Kids when I was 11.
89. He was my first love.
90. I chased him down in a motel.
91. Security nabbed me and took me back to my parents.
92. They hadn’t even noticed I was gone.
93. The hardest decision of my life was giving my son, Spunky, up for adoption.
94. It is an open adoption and we talk all the time and visit 4-5 times a year.
95. He calls me Mama too.
96. I love that.
97. I will get a boob job before I turn 26.
98. And laser eye correction.
99. I am trying to get rich for my kids sake.
100. I am scared I am about to have a 2nd failed marriage :(

Rain, Mud and Frogs...

2005-07-14T16:14:00.000-04:00

Ah!! We actually had real thunderstorms complete with rain today!!
It made me wish I was a big fat frog! Grreeedeep!! I love thunderstorms!
But we do have to be careful about some things..

Like never use an umbrella..cause we all know what happened to
Mary Poppins! Also, you have to remember that if you play in the rain,
you will get wet. And your nipples will show if you dont have on a good
bra and a good shirt. I wonder if cows nipples do the same thing in
the cold rain? Has anyone ever noticed? Do frogs have nipples? *Sigh*
there are so many mysteries in this world.

Actually, mud wrestling in the thunderstorm is an appealing thought.
But then I would forget to watch for big suckie tornados. One would
probably sneek up on me while I was making sure I was winning the
wrestle. Maybe, it would suck me up and chew me around for a while
and then spit me back out. Then I would have no arms or legs and stuff.
I would have to learn how to kind of bob around that way. Oh what if
my nose itched?? How awful!! Well at least I would not have to worry
about my arms or legs itching. The mosquitos would have a field day.

Maybe mud wrestling in a thunderstorm is not as appealing of a
thought as I thought..for a minute..

Allow Me To Entertain Myself!

2005-07-13T15:45:00.000-04:00

I thought with the mood I am in that I am just going to let life
slide for a day or so. Also I won't be going home tonight. I am
having my sister go over to my house and get some things for
me and Spanky. Then when I get off work this afternoon I'll be
going to her house. Not mine. I need a break from GM for a
day at least. I need to think. So in staying in tune to that, I
thought I would share some funny sites with ya'll. I thought
about them today since I have been so sullen.

Here is one that I had to pull up several times today!
Kitties Playing The Vines!

Ladies United for the Preservation of Endangered Cocktails!
Whoo hoo! As soon as Pumpkin comes along I'm running for
president of this org.!

Not all 8-tracks tapes are dead!
8 Tracks Anyone?

Speechless... Again

2005-07-13T07:34:00.000-04:00

Last night I got home after class around nine to find
GM wasn't home. I knew he was going to his parent's for
dinner so I went on and took my shower and did a few things
around the house.

Come 10:00 he still wasn't home so I called his mom.
She hadn't seen him. So I call the cell phone. It's off.
I call his brother. No answer. Madder than hell I went
to bed around 11:00. At 2:30 this morning guess who comes
in drunk? He and his brother had decided to go out and
eat, he says, and then they went to a local bar.

I didn't ask any questions. I didn't even speak a word to
him. I just looked at him as he fumbled and slurred his
way through an explanation. After he was finished he stood
there, I assume he was waiting for me to as always say
"Oh honey it's okay" blah blah. Instead I got a pillow off
the bed, went to the hall closet, got a blanket, shoved them
into his arms and closed and locked the bedroom door. He
never said another word.

When I got up this morning he was already up and making coffee.
Seemingly sober he attempted a further apology in which I
once more just looked at him. I know it may seem childish
but really, I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what
to say really.

And yes it may be evil but now I know he has to spend his day
in his boring little class hung over as hell with a headache
that won't end! And in the meanwhile I will just be here
praying I haven't made another mistaken trip down the aisle...

And So It Was...

2005-07-12T08:04:00.000-04:00

I do believe yes... I over re-act, I am slightly insane,
and yes these hormones have me waaayyyy out of whack.

Last night when GM came home first thing we got into it,
me calmy, and I anticipated him to get defensive etc.
Well after following one another around the house while
he changed, I started supper, he picked up the toy room,
we went to the den and he proceeded to open his email.
Now he has had this email account for five years. Well he
went all the way back to early spring 2003 and sure enough
in his sent folder THAT is when those emails to one chick
was sent. And the one that was sent on the 3rd of July?
Yeah, to his little cousin, who is a boy, who is 14. So
we think we figured it out. Whomever (and we think we know who)
got into his account, simply forwarded the email and he
has it set to forward as inline text, that allows you to
delete and retype etc. it was simple as we fooled around
for a second and I tried it. I picked an email to his sister,
clicked forward, backed out her email, put in something off
the wall and sent it to my email. I could have typed anything
in there I wanted. ANY FREAKIN' THING! So like the ubber
computer savvy couple we are, we spent forever, and I mean
over an hour ya'll, looking around to report this to yahoo.
Finally! So hopefully tonight he will hear something from
them.

And about the personals site... it was created 3 years ago,
and the link that was sent to me was from 3 years ago! Needless
to say at first I was so embarrassed I started bawling and
apologizing. Poor GM just laughed at me though and reassured
me that I can always go beserk anytime just so long as I am
pregnant! Lol.

Also we were looking around afterwards and from what we can tell,
it is now a felony to go into someones email. Is that really
true? At any rate GM stated firmly that he will follow through
with whatever means of punishment that can be laid upon the
person who did this. And I would hope so if for no other reason
than it's just not nice to upset a pregnant chick and cause her
to nearly have a heart attack! Geez...

So there you have it. I'm a dork. Plain and simple.

I Have NO Words

2005-07-11T10:21:00.000-04:00

Okay so GM is home this week for school but yesterday
he went down to check on the house at the coast due to
the storm. Well. I was online messing around and it was
rather odd but his messenger name was lit up on Yahoo.
VERY odd indeed. Then I get TWO emails forwarded from his
email account, to TWO different girls. BOTH I know of. One
was a poem expressing love to this chick. The other was an
email from last weekend to the other chick telling her he'd
like her to come stay sometime since he was moving to the
coast. So I got NO sleep last night. Then this morning I get
ANOTHER forward from his email for online dating services
and I know it was wrong and I am sorry as hell I did it know
but I clicked the link for his "matches" and poof it took me
to his account! He had been on in the last 3 days AND had sent
like 5 or 6 messages to chicks on July 3rd! I have sat in the
bathroom bawling not knowing what to do or think. I can't talk
to him cause he is in class. I did last night tell him about the
emails and he swears they were from almost two years ago and
that whoever forwarded them to me must have changed the dates.
He said he thought it was the chick he wrote the poem to doing
it.

I am a wreck right now. I feel like my chest is going to
collapse or I will cry myself to death. I have no one to turn
to, and I don't' want to get all edgy with him but fact is
he DOES have an account on yahoo's personals and he maintains
t! That he can't back out of or deny. But I don't know what
to say or do. Oh God... I can't calm down... I feel as though
I am going to just hit the floor at any second... What am
I gone do???

We Have Survived!

2005-07-10T17:57:00.000-04:00

Just in case some of you didn't know, or you did know
and may have wondered, Dennis has came our way and well,
now has basically moved on.

Truly I feel the Lord was watching out for West Florida
this season as last year Ivan did such terrible destruction
their are still homes in despair and families living in
goverment homes waiting for help and assistance from 10 months
ago.

There has been tremendous wind and rain and the poor hubby
(Gawd I STILL love saying that!) will have alot of limbs
and such to pick up out of the yard but all in all we lost
power 3 times for maybe 30 seconds *knocks on wood*.

I just wanted to post and check in also going around to
make sure everyone is alright. Stay safe and stay inside!

THE Blog That Did it ALL!

2005-07-08T13:50:00.000-04:00

I am sure by now most of you have heard of
the Groene girl and boy who were missing and
whose mother and brother were killed etc. And
as you know Shasta, the 8 year old daughter
was found last week at a Denny's with the kidnapper.
Well. Joseph Duncan, the said kidnapper, has/had
his own blog. You could sit for HOURS going over
this! I am appalled! OMG! Sickening but seriously...
how did this go undetected if it was so public
on the web???

Here's the link:
Joseph Duncan's Blog
http://fifthnail.blogspot.com/

Ah... The Good Ol' Days

2005-07-08T10:26:00.000-04:00

This time last year

Not even a week ago

The bright side is my hair is growing at a faster rate with all
the joyful preggo hormones and my nails have never looked better
or been stronger!

Oh and I almost forgot I had this pic saved. This is me and
GM's mom taken about a month ago while out shopping and testing cameras!
The bulge is noticeable... *sighs*

Though I shall overlook this all cause my HUBBY (Damn I LOVE saying that!)
Will be home tonight all the way until next Sunday afternoon!
Whoo hoo!!! We are suppose to go shopping tomorrow and look at
ideas for the nursery for Pumpkin' but we may be out hoarding gas,
water and canned goods depending on Dennis the Hurricane Menace!

Have a safe and happy weekend ya'll and if your along the
Gulf Coast be prepared and stay safe!

PS
Thank you all for the sweet comments on my last post! I love ya'll!

Vege... wha?

2005-07-07T10:55:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed how the brighter the box is the
more unhealthy the food it contains? At the grocery store,
my cart blinds numerous passersby with boxes of neon orange
and green and blue. What I find most disturbing, however,
isn't that I had the collective health rating equivalent
to battery acid in my metal cart, but that it was going to
make me feel guilty for the rest of the day. So what if I
die at the age of twenty-six-and-a-half from a sugar abscess
in my lung? I'll be able to eat my Sugar Bomb cereal in style,
by golly!

Nevertheless, when I got to the cash register and started
unloading the contents of my cart, an old lady behind me
pointed out that I hadn't any vegetables. I think I told
her that I'd given up vegetables ever since my mother ran
away with that stalk of corn.

She didn't seem amused.

She does have a point, though. I'm actually not too bad about
eating vegetables, but why do we have to get addicted to sugar
at such an early age? And, why does sugar have to taste so
darn good? Moreover, why does everything that's good seem to
be so bad for us? Why can't beets taste like jellybeans and
broccoli taste like chocolate cake? At this point I guarantee
there's at least one out of every ten to twenty people
saying, "MMMMMMMM. Broccoli DOES taste like chocolate cake,"
to which I say, "go milk a bull." These are the kinds of people
who likely raised the curve on all those math tests through
school, and reminded the teacher that she promised the class a
test that day.

Food that tastes good should also be healthy for you. Why is
this such a difficult task to accomplish? And please don't tell
me those health-conscious foods taste like anything other than
cardboard and cat spit.

This was just something I had to vent about. I'm going to go
insert a calorie IV into my system now.

Damn I'll be glad when GM comes home tomorrow night so I can
have someone entertain me instead of such incidents as listed
above!

PS I have a surprise for ya'll!!! Ready?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
are you sure?
.
.
.
.
.
.
ok ok... here you go!

Just a Tease If You Will!!!

2005-07-05T14:58:00.000-04:00

Yep you guessed it, I am THE MRS.GM!!! The wedding could not have been more
beautiful or too our liking and desires really. It was causual,
yet beautiful all in the same. We made it promptly at 6:00.
My parents both escorted me down the aisle to my handsome waiting
husband to be.

We had a flutist and a violin player performing for us for the
wedding ceremony, and GM's sister sang before hand as the ushers
were escorting family to their places.

Finally the moment came. And I must through in here you could
NOT tell I had a pouch at all! Yay me! The dress which I can't
wait for ya'll to see the photos, came out perfect. It was ivoery,
tea length with an over lay of soft silk that has the illusion of
a crochet effect. I wore a wreath of wedding vines in my hair,
no veil as that was not my wish. GM had on a white button up shirt
and khakis as did his brother the best man and Spanky. My sister
was matron of honor and GM's sister the blonde was my brides maid.
And of course Spanky played "Jr. Best Man and also the ring bearer!

I have a few pre wedding photos taken by GM's mom that I am more
than happy to share! Yay!

The weekend, well up until Sunday went wonderful. Then I had to
face the fact I had to leave GM at the coast as his firt day of
work was yesterday. But he had a good time and thinks he will enjoy
it. Other than calling me every 10 minutes or so to tell me how
much he misses me and can't wait til Friday night so he can come
home! Bless his heart. This coming weekend I am just going to
meet him down there and we are heading to another beach for a
mini honeymoon. Better than nothing eh? After a while once he
gets time and done with school etc we can take a real honeymoon!
But that is fine with me.

So now I will leave you with a few pics that were taken by family...
that is before I crawl back under my covers while I wait for
GM's call! More later... I'm jsut still a little lonesome right
now... Hope ya'll understand...

First this is me and my mom and sis crossing the bridge to the
coast!

Arriving in town!

Stopping and checking out the spot for our nuptials the
next day!You can't see the bay really well behind it but
it's there!

One more shot!

My mom dad and oldest sister after we went out to eat
that night.

First this is my sister is the raven haired doll and the
lovely blonde my NEW sister in law! This was taken while
I was still at my aunts getting ready as they were out by
the pier by which we were married!

And lastly my sister snuck in for me and got a digital
shot of the cake before hand! She still has another disk
with pics on it I will get tomorrow to post!

Okay now off to wait for my HUSBAND to call! Yay!!!

32 and counting down...

2005-07-01T10:11:00.000-04:00

Only 32 hours until I am MRS. GM! I am so excited, so nervous, so anxious! I don't recall feeling like this before that misfortunate trip down the aisle a few years ago. I am going to leave around lunchtime to head to the coast and spend the night there with my mom and one of my sisters at my aunt's house. GM will be staying at our house tonight with Spanky and his brother I think is gonna stay too. They will head down tomorrow around lunch.

Poor GM had to start his DOC training today. I am so anxious to hear how that went as well.

Okay I guess I need to finish loading my car and make sure things are in order here. I want to try and read a few blogs too before I go. Take care and have a great weekend ya'll!

I Don't Think This Is Good

2005-06-30T07:59:00.000-04:00

Everything has been going so well lately. GM has done so great coming home, has been going to AA at least once but most often, twice a week. He is back playing his music etc. The wedding it TWO days away now! But yesterday we got some news that I know must be troubling him, it sure has kept me awake. First off I keep forgetting to mention that he is starting to school tomorrow to work for DOC (Dept. of Corrections). They are paying him while he goes to school. He will be at home 2 weeks going to school and away at the coast for 2 weeks working. Well last week he went down to have his physical and finish up paperwork for the job. He got the call Monday approving him and so forth. Well yesterday he got a call to let him know that when they did his blood work,that his liver enzymes are sort of high. He told me about it when I got home and I immediatly ran to the computer to look it up. It didn't sound so good to me. There can be a number of factors that cause that and well honestly I immediatly knew it had to be from his drinking. I didn't say anything to him about that though. I didn't want to get his mind to going and worrying. Though I did see that certain medicines such as Tylenol, Advil etc. can cause that and I recall the night before the physical that he took 2 Tylenol for a headache. So until he gets in to his doctor and has this checked I am going to convince myself that's why the test came out that way. I believe he is doing the same thing. He is suppose to call his doctor this morning and let them know about this and get in hopefully today or tomorrow. So now we wait... Do any of ya'll know anything about this? If so, only tell me if it's good. I sure can't take anymore bad right now...

Gone Country in a Seafood Town

2005-06-28T10:43:00.000-04:00

I just hung up from talking to my cousin at the coast, the one who will be doing all the cooking for the wedding this weekend, along with his wife. My mom bless her heart nearly dropped the phone when I told her the menu. Well that being due to the fact her mama's family is from the town where we'll be married and it is a shrimping and oystering town. That is what it's known for. Well for one GM does not eat seafood. In fact if it ever lived in water, he will not eat it. And second, seafood cost more also. So after spending the last hour on a 3 way call with my cousin and GM we came to a decision all 3 of us could live with. I for one am quite thrilled because I love all these foods and truth be told, I've never been to a wedding where such dishes were served. But I figure I am southern and I grew up on these foods as did GM and 99% of those who will be attending so everyone should enjoy it as well. Here is what we came up with:

Salads
Fruit Salad
7 Layer Salad

Bread
Cornbred
Buttermilk Biscuits

Main Dishes
Buttermilk Fried Chicken
Smothered Pork Chops
Chicken and Dumplings

Sides
Collard Greens
Black-Eyed Peas
Macaroni and Cheese
Butter Beans
Candied Yams
Corn Pudding
New Potato's

Extra's
Cheese Ball & Crackeres
Party Meatballs
Jalapeno Cheese Dip
Ham Roll-Ups
Pigs In Blankets
Sweet-Sour Sausage

I have a feeling they will have to roll me to the car once it's over!

A Dash of This and A Pinch of That...

2005-06-27T10:07:00.000-04:00

I have so much I need to post on and so much going on all at once that I just haven't truly had the time. I will start by saying that things with GM are still going smoothly. He has mentioned wanting a drink on occasion but he nevers gets antsy or ill over it all. He has been to 4 AA meetings and I have gone to 2 with him. I must say I think they are and will continue to help him. He has a great sponsor behind him.

Our wedding is coming up THIS WEEKEND! That is going to take alot out of me this week and next so I don't know how much I will be around for a bit. We toned down the wedding quite a bit since we had to postpone it but nonetheless it will still be romantic and what we wanted. I can't wait to share the experience with ya'll.

GM met Friday night with his old band for a cookout and it was suppose to be for them to put closer to their ending and let bygones be bygones etc. Friday night he came home a little after 10:00 to announce he is back in the band. I know he was probably disappointed by the look of shock and confusion on my face but even though yes I did somewhere deep down suspect that would happen, I also figured he would never go back after the way they treated him. But alas he is back with them. Also he is starting school this Friday for corrections. The day BEFORE our wedding! Gah! He will go to school 2 weeks and work two weeks. Doesn't sound so bad but the downside is WHERE he will be working... 2 1/2 hours away! Luckily his grandma has a beach house 10 minutes from the prison so he will be staying there 2 weeks at a time. This will last for 9 months! 9 months ya'll! I am NOT thrilled at all. We have yet to work out the kinks this will cause when Pumpkin' arives and so forth but that is something like everything else, we will get to it later. We are procrastinators, can you tell?

In better news, I got approved for 6 months off after Pumpkin arrives instead of the given 3 you can take if you have the time. I am given 6 weeks, the rest I will have to dwindle down all my accrued time to take but it will be well worth it.

Alright I must dive into work now. It's the end of the fiscal year so I am swamped with work. More later...

Play That Funky Music... It's a meme!

2005-06-24T19:33:00.000-04:00

Brought to you by moi by way of being tagged by the lovely Kim over at Not Your Typical Southern Belle ! Yay!

Total volume of music files on my computer:
Er... um... yeah so I have NO clue! I am gonna guesstimate here and say roughly 150+ cause my 'puter is fairly new so...

The last CD I bought was:
Patterson Hood- Killers and Stars

Last acquired:
Lynard Skynard's first recording from Muscle Shoals (that's what it's called, go figure)

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
1. She's A Daisy - by MY GM (seriously I do listen to it EVERY morning and night, he wrote it about me, awwww).
2. Lynard Skynard - Simple Man
3. Memories of Us - Keith Urban
4. Decoration Day - Drive By Truckers
5. Amos Lee - In the Arms of A Woman

Five people to whom I'm passing the baton:
I hope who I pick hasn't done this! Let me know if you have!

1. MaryBeth from Ramblings of a Southern Goddess - it's Friday hon, Meme time!
2. Anna Banana - Come Play hon!
3. Jo at Bella Dorka - Have some fun hon!
4. Miss Sass come join in the music fun!
5. Sque! Here is something to bore your mind and take it to an odd place at a tough time.

Damn Genetics

2005-06-22T09:13:00.000-04:00

I wish I would have known then what I know now. Who we have our children with matters most of all. Sperm donators are not accepted at the sperm banks if there is family history of mental illness or alcoholism. What is this saying?? That these things are hereditary and can be passed onto our children. Why is there not more education available for young people who will become parents some day? How can we fight alcoholism/addiction if it is a gentic part of our children? Why does it seem to play russian roulet within families?? Taking some and leaving others in its wake? Is it mostly personality or fate or amount of genes? In some cases I know it can be learned behavior... parents showing their children how to deal with life. But what about when it isn't?

Parents... Need I Say More?

2005-06-20T10:11:00.000-04:00

If we marry and the partner we choose is abusive in some way, we fall out of love with them and divorce. Same way with friends, co-workers and others that we meet along the way. If the relationship is less than desirable, we end it.

With parents and our children though, this is not the case. It seems that no matter what a parent does or does not do..we will always love them. Our children can hurt us like no other person on earth can. We will always love them.

For many years I was the little girl who sought her fathers approval. Now I am a woman who understands that his approval is not important and it is unattainable.
I can go and visit my mother and really enjoy that visit. But other times, she is so mean that I walk out in a daze. If I smile she will snatch it from me straight away.

I wonder, why is this so with parents and our children. Is it a kind of lesson to be
learned in life? Does it have to do with foregiveness and peace within?

Saturday Satire

2005-06-18T19:04:00.000-04:00

So we got up this morning and decided to go fishing. Clearly I should have stayed home. I did however learn a few things. I think that fish are real smart allecks. I think that maybe they jump up out of the water across from where you are fishing just so that they can stick their tongue out at you. You know..."na na na boo boo"..that kind of stuff. It is like they know that you are there, waiting. And waiting.

I thought about hooking a $50.00 bill to my hook and trying that for bait. But then I figured that I would probably only catch republican fish. And I am not happy with them at this point in time. It is just better that I do not tempt any confrontations of this nature.

At one point we were going to throw a stick of dynamite into the water in hopes of blowing them onto the bank. But no one had a lighter. Besides, that would be a different kind of sport I would think.

This one fish took my bait and hung a big leaf on the hook. Now that was going too far. I put out a hit man on him. Of course, I had no identifying information to speak of. But this hit man is really good.

*sigh* This world sure is a struggle at times.

Told You So!

2005-06-17T07:41:00.000-04:00

See! I told ya'll come back and it's different. Sigh... okay this one will stay. For a bit. No really, it will. I mean it.

There is good news though folks! I have found my calling. The reason why I was put on the earth! I am mosquito food. It is sooo good to finally know who and what I am. *sigh* Poor little hungry things. Who could resist sharing with them?

Actually, to be honest..they make me have really weird thoughts sometimes..if I tell you..you have to promise not to tell everyone. Ok?

Sometimes, well, I would like to become like one of those freaky serial killers. I would of course, prey on mosquitos alone. I do not really know if I could kill a mosquito with a hatchet? I thought of trying it..but decided that I really do like both of my legs and feet and all my toes and stuff.

On the other hand..it would be really nice to give them a dose of their own medicine. Like if I could have a stingy, sharp, big, mean, little stingy thingy that I could plunge into their little bodies and ....well you know, their own medicine.

I have these other thoughts sometimes too. They scare me. I could like pull out all of their stingers and like stick them to one of those sticky fly things that you hang from the ceiling. You know, the ones that always end up getting stuck in your hair somehow. And its always when they have a bunch of flies hanging on them..mostly dead ones. And then you are like running through the house screaming "get this thing out of my hair!!!!!!"

Or maybe I could crochet all the stingers together and make jewelry with them. That would take a while. But, I have some time.

Mmmm.... Juicy!

2005-06-16T09:14:00.000-04:00

I thought I should get a new skin, I debated on baby, summer, food etc. So what better than watermelon. It's a summer food. I am craving it 24/7 because of the baby so. I just don't care for the font and since I am preserving my last brain cell for future usage I can't seem to get it adjusted how I want... I don't even know if I will keep this skin up. Ya'll may have noticed in the past that I will put up a skin and 2 hours later there is a different one there. I am just chosey is all and these damn pregnancy hormones are not making things easier!

In other fun news and events we, being GM and I, figured out what to do on wedding detail last night and since we wanted it small anyway and on the water etc we are going with July 2nd. Still in a gazebo, in a park, on the water, at sunset. My aunt bless her soul is making my dress since I wanted something with an empire waist due to the ever present belly, and I wanted simple as well. The best part is I found out a little while ago that the town we are having the wedding in will be doing their fireworks that night because the town next to it will do their's on the 4th so that will be an added bonus for us during a small reception! I think everything will turn out quite well as long as the mosquito's don't haul me off but I think I may be too heavy for that now...

Drum Roll Please....

2005-06-14T17:34:00.000-04:00

Um.... I don't know how to do one of those so well I'll just drag it out for you instead!

Everyone, meet Pumpkin'!!!
Looks like pumpkin' will have good posture like me!

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Also looks like Pumpkin' has Daddy's eye sockets!

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LOOK! Pumpkin' waved at us! Well... er... sorta...

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And now for the grand finale!
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So Pumpkin' is either Gunnar, Gage, Jantzen, Colby, Thorn, Patterson or Sebastian! THAT will be the topic on our list and ya'll can help me pick. Go on throw names at me but I want different, unusual...

Okay off to go watch our video for the 7th time!

PS I HAVE THE PICS SAVED AFTER I SCANNED THEM AND I WENT TO PHOTOSHOP SOMEHOW AND WAS TRYING TO PLAY WITH THEM BEFORE I SEND TO FAMILY AND ANYWAY THEY WON'T APPEAR AS BIG AS SAVED, DO I NEED TO LINK THEM TO GET THE WHOLE SHOT? Sorry I'm low on brain cells!

Am I Going To Wake Up?

2005-06-14T07:48:00.000-04:00

Sorry ya'll for not posting I've been steadily enjoying just being with GM these past days. Everything I was frightened of, so far, has been all mythical. He seems him old self.

Friday night when we got home from eating we sat up all night talking over his experience of treatment. I feel like I saw a side of him that even he didn't know was there and now that we have shared that together we are all the more closer for it. Tonight in fact is his first AA meeting and I am going with him as I promised him I would. This promises to be a full week as I have an ultrasound Thursday and we are hoping like crazy that we can find out what pumpkin' is!

I will post something longer in a bit. I have to actually catch up on some work since I was off yesterday it threw my schedule back a tad. Before I post more though I am desperate to catch up on the happenings with ya'll and I will before today is over I promise. Take care ya'll!

Happy Days Are Here Again

2005-06-10T07:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of posting but for one being deathly sick took a tad of a toll on me, still is a bit but I'm hanging in there.

Tuesday was rough cause it was GM's birthday. We did get to talk but that was all and we were suppose to be up in North Carolina right now for the big Bonnaroo festival for 3 days and 3 nights.

But alas, last night Spanky and I worked our butts off cleaning the house because today GM COMES HOME!!! I am leaving work around lunch time to go home and shower and get ready, then to get Spanky, then over to GM's parents and we are to pick him up at 5:00. We are all going to go out for a late birthday dinner for him and then he and I, and Spanky will head home and I'll be crossing all my fingers and toes that everything will be normal. So keep us in your prayers ya'll and I'll try to update sometime this weekend on how everything goes.

Have a great weekend yourselves!

Walmart and Hell

2005-06-06T20:05:00.000-04:00

I dread shopping at Walmart. I've overcome my negative feelings shopping at the neighborhood Walmart store. I do that frequently. It's the BIG Walmart I dread going to.

So many aisles. The store will have been reorganized since I was last there, so I'll have to look around, rather than direct down the aisle in and out which is safer for me. I get distracted and buy more.

I get agoraphobia sometimes. In my case, it's a fear of being stuck in a long, long, long line, in a huge store, where the majority of people are speaking a language other than my own. The lines are slow. The jillions of children are unruly. As a former teacher, I'm always tempted to discipline. I have eyes that'll scare the crap out of little kids. But I usually don't.

The political problems that I have with Walmart are twofold: The meat union, and the infusion of Chinese labor practices into my life.

Meat at Florida Walmarts is cut and packaged off premises because Walmart wouldn't work with the meat union. Damn pushy of them. Unions look out for people. They just step right across a picket line that doesn't even know it's supposed to be there. A sacker at Publix told me what good meat prices he found at Walmart, and I had to educate him about sticking together for the good of the fold. I don't think he got it. Bottom line savings.

If you get a chance to catch the cable show "The Making of Walmart," it's full of very interesting information. Walmart is expanding to other countries, and learning that cultures can't be overcome. You adapt to market. Lots of rice and fresh fish in the Walmarts in Asia. And the Asian employees wear uniforms and do store cheers in English. It all seemed very strange.

They interviewed a Pakistani owner of a doll maker who was using Chinese labor. We all know that the Chinese don't have decent human rights as the government stands now, and buying that sort of product only enforces the need to not change their governmental system. Keep the people oppressed. We don't care about the other side of the world, unless it's got oil in the dirt.

We buy more, at cheaper prices, but across the world, doll makers who string hair, and stitch tiny stitches, aren't getting minimum wage or health benefits. China, I see, as a Nineteenth Century Industrial Revolution type labor pool. The people are downtrodden for the benefit of the product. I could rant on, but won't.

Bottom line is that Walmart, in having cheapest prices, is the magnet for my pocketbook. I have not enough money. Money goes farther at Walmart.

So I shall venture forth... Nyquil is a must... damnit.

I May Cough Up a Hairball Even!

2005-06-02T19:30:00.000-04:00

So I spent from 2 until 6:30 in the ER after being told yesterday I had bronchitis and was put on meds, antibiotics and inhalers. Well today at work I couldn't breath, coughing up blood. So I somehow, don't recall, made it to the ER where my dad met me. Turns out I have an Upper Respitory Infection... I think I've been spending too much time with the cat lately... But I know I have lots of responses to get to from all of ya'lls lovely comments ya'll leave me that I LOVE so much to see, and I WILL get to them but now, time for a yummy dose of Codeine and a nap... with the cat by the way...

Insanity of Prenancy

2005-06-01T19:41:00.000-04:00

Tonight for dinner I decided to just heat up leftovers from last night. I had broiled a steak, fresh steamed veggies, and herb mashed potatoes that I put on a plate, covered with plastic wrap and put it in the microwave. I ran if for three minutes thinking that it would be hot enough. It was still a little cold so I ran it for another three minutes. It was then piping hot.

I was pretty hungry and took a forkfull of the mashed potatoes. OMG! Was it hot! I swallowed--BIG mistake! It burned like nothing I could imagine. I ran out to the kitchen to get a glass of water in hopes of cooling down my throat that felt like I had swallowed a live coal. I was paralyzed by such intense pain that I guess I fainted.

When I regained conciousness, I was groggy and disoriented; and I am thinking to myself "WTF just happened?" I must have been out for a while because my abandoned dinner was a lot cooler when I attempted to eat again.

Okay, that was TOO SCARY! Mental note: Blow on hot food and carefully test it for searing heat.

Dream On

2005-05-24T07:42:00.000-04:00

I was washing the dishes this morning, thinking of what to put in here today, when a nasty tumbler decided to break in half taking a slice out of my little finger on the way. Since then I've done very little except bleed, change dressings and feel sorry for myself. But I shall endure the pain of typing in order to make an entry. Aren't I the martyr? I now expect bunches of Cyberflowers and grapes to aid my recovery.

I'm beginning to think maybe there is a purpose to blogging. It doesn't really matter whether anyone reads it but it's a good motivator to get out of bed in the morning and store those thoughts. Maybe one day that idea for a novel will jump out at me when I read my old blogs.

I was dreaming about my deceased dog last night. Unlike my usual dreams, which are usually bizarre, wracked with anxiety and disturbing, whenever I dream about Jessie, he's always happy and well, bouncy and playful and that makes me happy too, in the dream at least. My only explanation is that he is coming to me through dreams to comfort me; this is a spiritual belief.

I don't hold with organised religions, but I try to be a Spiritualist. I like their simple, happy philosophies and the fact that they include the animal kingdom in their prayers and believe they are spiritual beings too. Ignorant people think they mess with black magic, ouija boards and seances but this is claptrap. Spiritualists believe we are continuous in our existence and we can communicate from the other side. They don't harp on about sin, punishments and hell either. Maybe I should go to church this week...

There are some imposters out there and a lot of people who deeply desire to be mediums but just haven't got the knack. I've been convinced for a while that some people do have the gift; I've been told too many things that are spot on, that no one could possibly guess. Mind you, I've also been told four times there is another man in my life. Someone who would make me very happy, someone I already know. The only details I've been given are that he has blonde hair (thank God he has hair at all I say!) and may live over water and have an accent. I haven't a clue; if anyone knows who he is please step forward. Lol. Just don't tell my other half! I'm not saying I believe all they tell me but I'm convinced there is more to this life than we know. On a good day anyway. Not sure if this is going to be a good one or not but I better move off my backside and start it.

Today...

2005-05-20T09:46:00.000-04:00

I think I will be a Mole. Who needs to see anyways? Especially when we can have such a good sense of smell. I will be able to smell the cats..I will know where they are. Well, actually, I already know where they hang out at most. At the food/water dishes, the ledges of the cat tree, the table when I am not looking, sleeping on the bed, window sills,book shelves. Maybe I could get the cats to see that we could be friends? that neither one of us needs to eat the other one? That sure would be a challenge! Maybe if I pulled their wiskers out one by one I would have their full attention?

Bee deep bee deep bee deep..that is how I would kind of scurry around in a mole like way. I am sure that I would always have a sore nose from running into to things and sticking it where it doesnt belong. Much like things are now for me.

I would be able to smell dirty socks 'n' stuff really well..eeeww! Not good. That odor could mask the smell of any tasty morsel food stuff that I might find. Like little moldy pieces of bread or something.

I could take a bath in the water dish of the wiskerless cats. Ah! That would be refreshing! I could even go fishing in it! I could use the cat wiskers for fishing line! Hey! I could pull out a claw for the hook!! But only when the cat was looking at me hungrily. See how resourceful Moles can be!

I could scurry around and spy on people 'n' stuff! Woo Hoo! I suppose too that I could get caught and be permanently embedded into the bottom of someones shoe too...

Is my boredom showing again? Oops!

Into the Wet Dark

2005-05-19T08:08:00.000-04:00

Late at night, when the world is quiet, I step onto the porch and close the door quetly behind me. With each step downward on the steps, I take a deep breath of the invigorating breeze. At the bottom, I hurry to my left, around the corner of the house. I stand there for a few minutes, listening to the night sounds around me, and then slip off my shoes.

In my tee shirt and night shorts, I step onto the crispy grass that is moistened by the refreshing dew. It feels glorious and familiar to my feet and I continue walking. Crickets and frogs are at their normal night vigils. Chirping and chanting into the night.

The moon is an awesome warm light that seems to guide me like a beacon in the night. The winking stars are brilliant and I take the time to find the Big and Little Dippers.

I stretch my arms up above my head and let the wet leaves slip across my hands as I pass under the trees. Somehow, I seem to understand these massive living creations in all of their beauty. The many storms they have weathered and their testament to survival.

After walking for a while, I stop and close my eyes, just listening and breathing. I breathe in peace and exhale termoil, or so it seems. God seems to surround me in all living things and I am re-assured of his presence.

Refreshed, I open my eyes and with a light heart, begin walking back through the grass. I am ready for sleep now. I look up at the window and see that my cats are faithfully waiting on the windowsill for me. Reaching the corner, I slip my shoes back on and head up the stairs. The cats meet me at the door and seem a little disappointed. I always come back empty handed. Although I keep telling them I am not going out into the night to hunt, they seem to still think that I am.

Pregnant Remedy!

2005-05-18T09:33:00.000-04:00

I have found a remedy for the "I dont have anything to wear cause my tummy is swelling" problem! No more piles of clothes on the bed, discarded while searching for something to wear. And no more having to hang them back up where I got them from either.

I have thrown out all of my clothes, every single thing!! Now, when I say I have nothing to wear, it will be the truth!! Spring cleaning!

Also, I threw out all of the mirrors in the place!! Yes! so I will no longer have to listen to them say, "Girl! You are sooo getting swollen"!!! Mirrors can be such smart asses!! Everyone likes a little ass but no one likes a smart ass!!

I am working on renovating one of my green curtains at this time. I think it will make a nice covering for me! After all, I can't just sit here forever because I have nothing to wear...I will save lots by not having to use water and detergent washing clothes. I could buy something with that money!! Yes! I will buy some tent material..and visit Omar the tent maker..and he can make me some clothes and stuff!! My clothes could have those little zipper jobbies with net screening too! GM will like that when he comes home! Er... or maybe not. Depending on my current condition of swelling.

Well, making sure my hair looks ok is going to be tough with no mirrors. I will have to improvise..but really, who cares?

*sigh* Dont you just LOVE the changes brought on by pregnancy?

Has Anybody Seen Rin?

2005-05-17T07:41:00.000-04:00

I know I know... I have gotten everyone's emails and I thank ya'll SO much for being concerned about where I have been and if I have been okay. I could probably sit here and type ya'll a good 15 to 20 paragraphs but for my own sanity right now I just want to sort of list it out if that is alright.

1. Last week GM left rehab on his own.
2. He took off to Athen's (GA) drunk.
3. I started bleeding a little.
4. I nearly had a nervous breakdown by this past weekend.
5. Thursday I went to the OB cause despite it all I was still spotting.
6. Me and Pumpkin were okay but told NO STRESS!
7. Thursday night GM's brother found him.
8. Friday we told him back to rehab.
9. Saturday I spent in bed watching movies and eating with Spanky.
10. Sunday I went out to eat with my folks and GM's folks.
11. Sunday night all of the above sat and discussed the GM situation.
12. Tough love from here on out.
13. Monday. Came to work and cried all day.
14. Monday night. Laid in bed and cried all night.
15. Tuesday morning. Finally letting ya'll know what is going on.

Now granted I could elaborate on all those little facts up there but well truth be told I would only start bawling again and as indicated in #6 NO STRESS! So now I am going to kick back and catch up on what has been happening with ya'll!

STICKY: Free Money?

2005-05-10T14:39:00.000-04:00

I'm just leaving this up for a few days cause I figure hell we could all use the extra $!

I don't jump into this business about earning money by doing certain things online, but it does work sometime! I decided to check out Netbux and figured every bit I earn I will put towards pumpkin, either in a bank or start a savings etc. I know it may sound like the bare minimum as you only get two cent for every search, but in a week I got $10. There are no strings or gimmicks. You simply register with Netbux and you earn money instantly from your very first search. You will earn $0.02 for every search you make for up to 40 paid searches per day, therefore the maximum pay per day for your individual searching is $0.80. Note: A paid search is one that is unique to your other searches, meaning that you will not get paid for searching the same thing twice.

To make things even better, you will also earn $0.02 for every search that your referrals make for up to 40 searches a day as well! Therefore the maximum pay per day for each referral is $0.80. The more referrals, the more money!

Weird Not Wonderful

2005-05-07T08:26:00.000-04:00

I had one of my 'weird' days today. It generally happens when I'm overtired or overwrought but the strong May sunshine added to it. The one downside of sunshine is the way it illuminates dirt, dust and streaks on glass.

I look round and feel every bit of my house and garden needs cleaning and sorting, every cupboard and drawer needs tidying and everywhere is a mess. I know from experience it's probably not true and even if it is to some extent, what the hell? I also know that after a good night's sleep I will see it through different eyes. But on days like yesterday I find myself dusting forgotten things in corners, sorting out things that probably don't need sorting, when really I haven't got the energy to do it. Not sure what a psychiatrist would make of all that - probably say 'Get a life you sad person.'

My horoscope suggests I have a quiet day at home; great for the one day in the week I don't have time to turn around. My reflexologist arrives in less than an hour so better get scootling round. Not that the energy level is much improved; the early night backfired on me. Couldn't get to sleep initially then been having the weirdo dreams again. Maybe the foot massage will improve things.

I need more restful nights, less eventful days but I gotta go make myself beautiful (could be a long long job) and I'm sure you've had a bellyfull of my claptrap!

Mama's Lil' Helper

2005-05-06T10:13:00.000-04:00

Always working!

Cleaning The Bathroom

The Woman and the Snake

2005-05-05T09:47:00.000-04:00

There is a snake somewhere out there in the back yard. I saw it yesterday evening as I took the pictures of the flowers. At first I thought it was a dead branch, poking through the bottom of the fence, all dark gray with mold the way lots of things get out here in this wet climate. Then I saw that it was a snake, but I thought it was dead, because it did not move. Then it turned its head.

I'm not a herpetologist but I do know the basics about snakes. Most snakes are not only harmless to people but highly beneficial, catching and eating those critters that you really don't want in your yard or your house, such as rats and mice and big bugs. Almost all snakebites happen because the human either accidentally or deliberately hurt the snake. You stepped on it, or you hit or stabbed it.
Accidentally stepping on a snake is not as easy as people fear. Snakes can sense the slightest movement and the body heat from even tiny critters (if they couldn't, they'd starve. Ever try catching a mouse yourself?) So they can easily tell you're approaching, and if they have a way to go, they're gone. They want no argument with you; you're a big scary predator.

I really hope nothing bad happens to my snake. I appreciate it hunting mice. Now, I once knew a lady who had a pet mouse named Worthington, but that was a different deal. Wild mice in your yard get into your house, where your cats find them, and then the cats get parasites (worms and fleas) from messing with them. Cats also get worms from catching big bugs. The worms' eggs live on the cats' fur, and then the cats groom each other, and then ALL the cats have to be treated for worms. Several times maybe! About the time you get everything under control, another set of mice troup in. So you can see that the snake isn't as much of a pest as the things it's trying to eat for you.

It is not true that if you come face-to-face with a snake in your garden that you have to stand still as a statue. The Snake can tell that you're three hundred times his size; he won't mistake you for a field mouse and attack you just because you move; just leave. Scare him away if you don't like him there. If you don't want to get right up in his face and say boo, squirt him with water from the garden hose. What you really, really don't want to do is attack him. If you cause a snake pain, it's no more Mr. Nice Guy, and he can move a lot faster than you can. If he IS poisonous, well, now you see where you are.

Here's to everyone getting along and being safe this summer.

Perfect clothes..

2005-05-04T09:38:00.000-04:00

I sure wish that someone would make perfect clothes. They can send people to outer space and the moon and stuff, but no one can make perfect clothes. *sigh*

I am ready to give up. Seems to me like the perfect shirt would hide my belly but show my nipples. I cant find one any place.

And what is up with womens pants anyways? Like they are made for women or something. If you hold a pair of them up, they got this rounded out place where hour glass hips are suppose to fit. I am not blessed with hour glass hips. These pants look like clown pants on me..they pucker way out on each side of my "missing" hips. I also have a missing waist...I dont know what happened to it. I am thick and short waisted...no matter how many cookies I eat. So, I just have to keep buying mens pants I suppose.
The perfect pants I think would round out your behind real nice and suck it in...in case you have broadened your horizons.

One things for sure, I am glad that they do not make this rounded out place in mens pants for certain parts of their anatomy. I would really feel ackward walking around with a pre-shaped crotch in my pants. Actually, I dont think I would wear them then. People would think that my plumbing was all wrong.

And bras...jeeze. They are ok, but when you take them off, your breastesses look the same as they did when you first put it on. Cant they make 24 hour bras..like they would keep working 24 hours after you take them off?

Ah the joys of a ballooning belly!

I present to you... PUMPKIN!

2005-05-03T14:29:00.000-04:00

I haven't been at work like I should be since I stay nausea but that is subsiding and since I don't have a scanner at home I had to wait til I was at work one day and I am finally getting around to uploading my lil' pumpkin's first picture! I wish I could have one EVERY month! Lol... but I only will have 2 or 3 more if all goes well. And so I present without further ado... my pumpkin!

And if anyone thinks they see something between the legs I do NOT want to hear about it!

Done... For Now

2005-05-03T13:38:00.000-04:00

I am sorry I have dragged you all through my trials of template hell but alas I think I am satisfied... for now anyway and I promise not to change the skin for a while, say at least a week. I do have some tweeking to do here and there but that won't change much. Thanks for being patient!

Damn nightmares!

2005-05-03T07:43:00.000-04:00

I just woke up from a horrible nightmare. One that had me shaking and in tears. It was a surreal dream where I looked out my balcony door and see my cat perched on top of the railing and preparing to jump. I run out to grab her and I am too late. I freeze, listening to her meowing while she is falling.

It's then a mad dash in my nightgown to the elevator (btw I don't have one of those in my house, but I was in an apt in the dream) which I miss and I am left to punching at the button to go down. A big black dog runs down the hall to where I am. For some reason, I think this dog is mine and I grab its collar and hang on.

I am frantic by the time I get down to the street level and search desperately for my cat. Instead of finding my cat, I find a small dogs head that is oddly still alive. I cradle the head in my arms and cry...it is at this point I awaken in the distraught shape I am in now.

I swear the dreams I had while pregnant with Spanky was NOTHING like the ones I have had lately... this is getting out of hand people!

Oops... I did it again!

2005-05-02T14:01:00.000-04:00

Oh gawd, a Britney title... Anyway. I have had several people tell me they couldn't view my blog very well anymore so... tada! Yep. Another skin. I am not too sure of what I think of it but don't get too use to it cause you could visit tomorrow and find something totally different. With me, you never know!

Earth Day - a lil' late

2005-05-02T08:14:00.000-04:00

Finally I have done good for earth day. I may have been off by some days, but I planted almost a dozen trees.

The trees came from the National Arbor Foundation, gratis with a yearly membership payment. Luckily, the postman caught me outside on the day they were delivered. They arrived in a large white rectangular plastic shipping envelope. The package wouldn't have fit in the mailbox, and even April sun is scorching enough to bake if you're inside a metal mailbox. So the trees arrived on a timely basis, and in fine form.

Of course, trees don't come full size. They are very small--the largest at 8-10 inches, with a diameter about half the size of a pencil--about the size of the lead in the pencil. About 4 inches of root grows out one end, and the other looks like dead limb. With a little bit of damp clay soil, and a few twist ties, it is difficult to imagine how these will grow into trees. Takes time. Lots of water. TLC.

Crepe Myrtle, pink and white dogwoods, and pear trees all look the same when they're young. I'm not sure what I planted where, as the twiglets weren't marked by name. I laid the plants on the new emerging grass and leaf matter while I dug many little holes in the flower bed. My dogs are presently suspect as baby tree thieves, because I didn't dig twelve holes when I finished planting from the little pile.

I have a first year pecan tree with four leaves growing in the front yard. My new Arbor Foundation trees are in the back yard, waiting for enough time and water to get over planting shock and grow some green of their own. Watching them come into their own will be a rewarding experience.

I always wanted to contribute at least a tree a year to the environment. When I moved into the house, I finally got the ground to do it. Planting trees is one little thing I can do to leave the world better than I found it, and it's something everyone can do. Wish me some rain, will 'ya?

Plant on.

I've Been Called Everything

2005-04-29T07:42:00.000-04:00

This blog is really the only place where I can be a smartass if need be. In real life interactions with people, I'm very nice. That's because I don't have very much trouble getting along with most people. There are these few people, though, who try very hard not to get along with me. Therefore I need a place to be a smartass.

I'm just trying to make something fun and entertaining out of it. The truth is, it's quite painful. In the case of each person who is difficult toward me, there are reasons why I don't feel I can negotiate for better treatment.

Several years ago after my divorce, I went to psych counseling and told them I had trouble asking for better treatment. Here's what happened. Behind closed doors, the counselor started pushing the envelope, trying to gauge the point at which I would start sticking up for myself and how I would go about it. I never did anything. I left and never went back. From then on, I quit asking for help. I became a do-it-yourselfer. I made this place inside where I kept all my things I was proud of. My academic accomplishments, my talents and abilities, and later additions, such as learning to finish projects even though discouraged, staying on the same job for several years no matter what the disillusionment and disappointment.

That place is a nuke-proof bunker. Everyone deserves one. I guess I got something out of my psych counseling after all, even though it probably wasn't what I was supposed to get. I think I was supposed to realize I had a worse problem than I originally thought, and go on to avail myself of thousands of dollars worth of therapy. We'll never know, now.

I wouldn't presume to suggest what anyone else should do. I'm just explaining how I cope (or not) with people being nasty to me. They'll always be there, guys. They'll be there for you and they'll be there for me. So when you see my smartass blogs, you'll understand that this is not my personality overall--it's just my way of doing something other than gross, graphic violence.

And thank you all for the comments yesterday. I am feeling better about what happened and I just decided to let it roll off my back. I have far too many issues to deal with than to let someone elses opinions effect me in such a manner.

Ravenous Mind Play

2005-04-28T07:36:00.000-04:00

What determines who we are? Nature or nurture? What makes us positive or negative, tough or easily hurt, caring or heartless? And who's to say what's right or wrong or what we SHOULD be like in our lives?

I turned to someone last night for a shoulder to lean on, a bit of sympathy maybe, but instead I received a kick in the teeth. I knew in an instant how I'd react and what would follow because it's a familiar pattern in my life. Initially I'm angry, determined it won't bother me and if the person concerned chooses to behave like that then I don't have room for them in my life and it's their loss not mine. But then the anger turns to hurt, self recrimination and there follows a long period of tearfulness.

I fall asleep because I'm physically and mentally exhausted and Scarlett's motto 'I'll think about that tomorrow,' becomes ny night time mantra. But each time I wake up, the hurtful words are there, echoing, reinforcing and adding to my hurt. I tell myself to forget it, it's not important, but how do you force thoughts away? I knew I'd spend today feeling low and regretting what happened. Whereas last night I determined to never put myself in a vulnerable position again, today I just want to put it all right and bring some warmth back into the relationship. But do they deserve it? They probably haven't given me a thought, just got on with their busy life and forgotten all about it. And probably there was some truth in what they said now I've had time to ponder. It's hard to accept what we maybe don't want to hear.

I don't take criticism very well at all, I've been like it since a child. Praise and approval make me glow but negative remarks go straight to my heart and stay there for a long time. Too sensitive or too self involved? I accept I'm far from perfect but I don't like being told about my weaknesses.

The gist of the criticism was that I create a lot of my own problems and make no effort to solve them. That maybe deep down I don't want things to change. In retrospect I suppose it hurt so much because it's the truth, although I'd substitute the 'not wanting' to change for 'being scared' of change. But I didn't appreciate the harsh words when I was looking for a little comfort.

I'm way too soft. I'd never hurt a fly, literally. I'll stop in the street to rescue a stranded worm and put spiders, ants and even wasps outside rather then take a life. I have no comprehension of how some people take pleasure from hurting or killing other living things, no matter how small or ugly. To me, everything has been put on this planet for a purpose, whether we see it or not. Yes, I know some will scoff but that's how I am. Can we really change ourselves, make ourselves tougher? I've tried and tried, but I'm still that same old person who takes every knock so hard that sometimes I feel I'll drown in my own pain.

I'm wondering if some people enjoy hurting others and prey on my vulnerability? I seem to attract strong minded people who play mind games, something I've never done. Am I just a plaything to be used and abused by those who see themselves as more powerful? And does my soft centre make me a weak and worthless person? After these sort of episodes that's usually how I see myself.

I needed to write this down in an effort to control the whirling in my brain. I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on washing my hair, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and all those predictable things. Maybe, this is the problem; my brain doesn't have enough to think about and doesn't want to worry about the big things that really matter, so it focuses on trivial, petty little incidents that I really shouldn't let bother me at all. I know I won't function properly until I'm reassured no lasting damage has been done to the relationship but maybe that's not correct. Maybe I should be saying 'Well, screw you. I don't care what you think and I'm not bothered if we never speak again.' But that's me, just too bloody soft. It makes life so difficult when you believe other people are caring and thoughtful, when in reality they probably couldn't give a shit! Maybe next life I'll have learnt that lesson and be a bit tougher myself. I fear it's not going to happen in this one.

Sea Monsters With Human Faces... Oh My!

2005-04-26T12:51:00.000-04:00

You don't have to live here to love Florida for it's oddities.

Imagine a penguin 15 feet tall -- on Clearwater Beach. In 1948, beachcombers and boaters claimed to have seen the creature. Others said it left huge tracks in the sand. Local papers carried stories, but no one ever determined what the creature was.

More unnerving than a giant penguin was the strange half-human monster Emily L. Bell encountered in the Fort Pierce area in the late 1800s. In her memoirs, she tells of going ashore at the Jupiter Inlet and trekking along the coast for eight miles. Hearing a rustle in the bushes, she called her husband over to investigate. Together, they watched as a green-black-yellowish creature, 30 feet long, reared up and, turning a human-like face toward them, slipped into the surf. Locals later told them the creature appeared in the area a couple of times a year.

Henry Flagler died in Palm Beach in 1913, but his body was taken to St. Augustine and put on display in the rotunda of his elegant Ponce de Leon Hotel. As Flagler's body was being moved to the burial site, the massive doors of the rotunda suddenly swung shut for no obvious reason. Later in the day, a janitor discovered in a small floor tile the image of Flagler's face. It's said that observant visitors can still find the image.

In Geneva lies the skull of Lewis Powell, a co-conspirator of John Wilkes Booth. This son of a Live Oak minister attempted to stab to death Secretary of State William Seward the day Booth shot Lincoln. Seward survived, and Powell was arrested three days later and hanged on July 7, 1865. Powell's body was never claimed, but his skull surfaced years later at the Smithsonian's Museum of Natural History. The skull was laid to rest in 1994 in the Old Geneva Cemetery.

The Seven Dwarfs never lived on Spruce Creek, though their house is there on property once owned by James N. Gamble, son of the founder of Proctor & Gamble. Daughter Maude inherited the property and when she died, her heartbroken husband, Alfred K. Nippert, busied himself with the construction of a replica of the dwarf house from the Disney movie, complete in every detail.

I Can See Clearly Now

2005-04-26T11:21:00.000-04:00

Ah okay lets all give a warm round of applause to Tasha for making the comments work!

I have a bit of work to do and quite a mound of studying as I have a final tonight but I shall make a post in a bit after lunch.

HELP!!!

2005-04-26T08:10:00.000-04:00

Okay so that was a rather quick change but... well I sorta don't know how to get it where ya'll can leave comments! All this and now that... does anyone know how to code that or whatever the hell I have to do? *sniffle sniffle*. If you do please email me... thank you... *sniffle*

A Change Is A Comin'

2005-04-26T07:20:00.000-04:00

I came into work today to discover that there is absolutely nothing for me to do. So that has prompted me to play with my blog. Heh. I am going to redo it I believe. And in the process no doubt drive myself a wee bit more crazy. So check back in oh... six or seven hours and maybe it will still be here! Well it will still be here, you just may not recoginize it!

Modern Times... things r a changin'

2005-04-25T08:36:00.000-04:00

..so..

Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and wey
along came a spider who sat down beside her
and frightened Miss Muffet away...

Why was Miss Muffet so helpless? Why did she run away? Is this one of those dirty little subliminal messages that females get...telling them they are weak or helpless?

Revision:

Regular sized Miss Muffet sat with her construction crew
along came an itty bitty spider who hung out beside her
being annoying and nosey and stuff, so
she smashed that creepy crawly sucker with her work shoe!

There, thats better! Now Miss Muffet is self reliant and resourceful and stuff!! Isnt that much better?

And then there is Prince Charming....I have never met him..have you? Nah. I waited for him for a long while though..to come and save me and swoop me up onto his horse. And ride away with me into the night and do cool stuff. Well, if I ever do see him I might knock him right off of that horse! But if he is really cute I may swoop him off his feet and take him with me into the night to do..well...you know... Could you imagine the look on his face? After all of these years of being THE prince charming? Someone needs to give him the clear message that this is 2005!!

I'm an Addict

2005-04-24T10:34:00.000-04:00

It's happened. I can't help it. I fear there is no cure. As someone who once scoffed at the idea of keeping a blog it's come as a shock to realise I'm now a blog addict. It's not just the writing of it; it's the entry into another world, a higher level that's surprised me. I've always loved reading the fiction out there and I've made some friends, but reading other writer's journals and blogs brings a closeness, a flood of emotions and a renewed respect for the talent of people out there. A little time spent in the thoughts and lives of others affects me deeply and I feel richer for the experience. There are many addictions I know I should give up, but I'm hoping this one at least will bring some benefits. The most frustrating part is the time factor of course, there's never enough to peruse all the blogs, leave comments and I'm sadly neglecting my fiction reviewing too. Must try to catch up a bit.

I'm tired this morning. I'm tired most mornings. I'm a night owl and find it difficult to make myself go to bed. It just seems such a waste of precious time. I'm not a great sleeper either. Keep waking up (well just the brain cell) with all sorts of weird thoughts running around in there. A lot of blogging ideas last night, but of course, when I wake up (sort of) they've all gone. Where do thoughts go? Where do words go after they're spoken? I wish sometimes I thought about what's for dinner or the price of carrots but I have an overactive mind. Wish my body would join it but I find exercise so boring. Swimming I love however. Maybe I was a mermaid in a past life? Or a whale? No doubt I shall resemble one in the coming months! lol

Well, I need another cup of tea, must get on with the boring stuff. Washing, dressing, bed making, pots. I reckon if sleep wasn't necessary, it would cut down on these sort of things. Who invented sleep anyway? Someone once said 'sleep is only for those who have nothing better to do.' Who was it said that? Maybe it was me. lol I might actually get round to discussing writing one day. Might even pick up a pen and write; not been doing enough lately. Too busy blogging! Going, honest.

Get Zapped, Get Green

2005-04-21T09:12:00.000-04:00

I noticed a minute ago over at MaybeSomeday that Kelly mentioned a new way to "zap" money around called GreenZap but it won't be available quite yet. You can however preregister and get $25! Sounded go to me. Why don't you try it out for yourself too.